I was fired once.
From my job.
As a Pre-school teacher.
For being "the ring-leader" of the bad attitudes among the teachers.
I sincerely hope that most of you who read this are laughing, thinking that I am joking. I sincerely hope that those who know me now, could never imagine this being true. Unfortunately, it is true. It was a good learning experience. One that has continued to teach me.
Let me tell you my side of the story:
When James and I met, I was a pre-school teacher at a private pre-school that I'll call "Ballinger". I loved my job. I loved the children. I loved teaching them. I really loved my job.
When we got married, I requested a transfer to another location in the city where we would be living. The request was granted, and I returned from my honeymoon, and immediately began working at the new location.
This new location had been plagued with mistrust and bad feelings between the teachers and the management. Many of the teachers had been there for at least one year prior to my arrival. There was a unity among the teachers in their dislike of the management, and in their feeling of being mistreated.
At first, I thought this was really weird -- totally different from my experience at the other location. However, it didn't take long for me to start seeing what all of them were seeing. I, too, began to dislike the management, and to feel that we, as teachers, were not being treated fairly. I began to participate in the daily discussions of these feelings and impressions at lunch and at recess.
It seemed that things continued to escalate throughout the school year. Even the management didn't like each other. Our Principal was fired, and the Vice Principal became the Principal. We actually liked the Vice Principal, who was now the Principal. However, we convinced ourselves (and I honestly don't remember if we had any evidence of this) that she was being corrupted by the others in management.
So, imagine my surprise when our now Principal called me into her office. She asked me questions about how I felt things were going at "Ballinger", and what problems I saw. I was candid, and told her my feelings and the things that I thought needed to change in order to improve things.
Well, then she told me that I was fired, and the reason that she gave was that I was the "Ring-Leader" of the bad attitudes. I was shocked! I told her that I thought she was wrong. After all, this problem had existed long before my arrival on the scene. I had only joined in the discussions that were already taking place.
Nevertheless, the firing stuck. I gathered my things and left. I was mad and hurt. I saw myself as the innocent victim. In fact, this firing reinforced my view that they were corrupt in management.
The lesson that I learned early on from my firing was that negativity breeds negativity. And, that when you are actively looking for things to criticize, you will find them. I am amazed, looking back, at how much energy was wasted among us in our criticisms, and at how devoted we were to the practice.
Many years later, another lesson emerged. I realized that although I didn't see myself as the ring-leader, or as any leader at all in that situation, doesn't mean that others didn't see me that way. I was older than most, if not all, of the other teachers. I was a returned missionary. I will never know how things might have been different if I had simply chosen not to participate in the discussions. Or, better yet, if I had found positive things to say, or ways to improve the situation.
So, I have learned that we never really know the depth of our influence. Maybe, without meaning to be, or even wanting to be, I WAS the ring-leader?! I don't know. But I do know that I have tried to be careful to be an influence for good since this revelation. I am by no means perfect, but I do try.
So, are you a "ring-leader" without knowing it??
