Being a Parent Is Hard

We put Ben into a charter school last week. We had heard sooooo much good about it -- the curriculum, the behavior of the kids, etc., etc.
Before he was able to start there, he had to be tested for placement in his math and reading groups. On the day that he was tested, we happened to be there for a fire drill. It was interesting to observe. The kids filed out quietly in their neat uniforms; maintained straight lines; didn't play or push or poke or laugh; answered when their name was called the first time, then walked back into their classrooms in nice straight lines. I had two impressions from watching this: 1) I was impressed that kids could do a fire drill that orderly and seriously, and 2) I wondered if, possibly, this was a very well disguised Nazi concentration camp.
Then we were allowed to go into the classroom and meet the teacher. When we entered, the children were all sitting in their seats, feet under their desks, pencils in hand, mouths closed, eyes on teacher. Again, I thought "Wow!" and "Is this actually normal/good behavior?"
I worried that the change from one school to another might be really hard on Ben. However, on his first day, I stayed for about half of the day. He was doing all right, but there was a lot of changing from one class to another for all of the different subjects. When they taught his spelling/English class, I about died. I always thought that I was relatively smart when it came to English, but this method was truly like a foreign language to me. It's hard to be able to help your child to learn when you don't understand it yourself.
Ben has been miserable. He cries at school. He tells me he hates everything about the new school. He wants his old school back. Today, his tummy started hurting about ten minutes before it was time to go to school. I figured it was a "nervous tummy" as I like to call it. So, I took him to school. Since his teacher told me that he cried a lot yesterday, and since his tummy hurt, I knew he wouldn't go without me. So, I stayed again. I felt very welcome the first day when I stayed. I felt very much like the teachers would like me to leave today. His teacher let me know that Brianna was not allowed to come with me. In his math class, I had been sitting on the floor in the back with Brianna, when Ben came with the Teacher's Aide and a small group to do a lesson. They sat right by me, and Ben sat in my lap. Apparently this is a big "no, no" too.
His main teacher took me aside and did everything but straight-out ask me to leave. I could tell by the way she was speaking to me that she felt that I was probably the real core of Ben's trouble with this adjustment. If I would just make him "buck up" we would be done with the crying and he would be just fine and dandy. I hate being talked down to. I hate it when people who don't know me or my children pass judgement on us and make assumptions.

Right now, I want to put him back in his old school. Maybe he wasn't challenged enough there, but he also wasn't getting an ulcer. He didn't cry. He enjoyed school. Yes, his teacher there asked me at the beginning of the school year if he was taking school seriously. Maybe he wasn't, but is prison camp the answer?

If I take him out, am I teaching him to quit when things are difficult and challenging? If I leave him in, am I teaching him that even when he's completely overwhelmed and miserable, those feelings aren't valid and he's just got to buck up?

The teacher's aide in his main classroom took me aside and urged me to consider home school. She made it clear that she doesn't think that his home room teacher is a good fit for him.

I need help. What should I do?????????

Random Tidbits Overload . . . With Pictures!

Well, apparently Blogger isn't going to let me move my pictures around like I want to. So, I wrote a post and then I stuck in all these pictures. But, since this is a random post, I guess it doesn't matter if it flows or even makes sense, right?

*Here are the two cutest kids in my world!!
* Brianna just spontaneously started hugging Ben at McDonald's, and said, "Mom, take a picture."

*Ben and Brianna worked really hard to arrange this bountiful harvest basket for me.
*James' wonderful Aunt and Uncle invited us (or did we invite ourselves??) to come with them on Labor Day and play at the beach with them and their JetSkis! It was soooo fun!

*Oh, the things you can do with licorice!

* Someone got pretty tired by the end of the afternoon. But, boy oh boy, did she like the JetSki's!! Ben did too! Ben was allowed to "drive" with James on. Ben would go 45 mph! I took Brianna up to about 35 mph, and she let me know that she did NOT like that speed. It took me quite a while to convince her to go back out with me. When she did, I took her at about 20 mph, which she was o.k. with. She called that speed, "A wittow tiny bit fast."

*What a handsome boy! Even with hair that's been done by lake water and wind!

*Every time I sit down to write a new post, my mind goes blank

*Um, ... see?

*Okay, let's give this another go.

*I'm waiting for a delivery from UPS!

*It's some clothes that I ordered online, when I was feeling sorry for myself.

*The kids really liked the beach, but their preference was being out on the JetSki's.

*Here's our kids and some good friend's kids playing in our backyard! Aren't they all so cute?

*I'm a little sad that the mosquitoes are gone for the summer. Only because when Brianna would get a bite, she called it a "Skoodee bite". It was soooo cute! It nearly made the mosquitoes worth it.

*Ben made up a chocolate-coconut no bake cookie recipe yesterday. They turned out really gooey, but very tastey!

*Brianna is borderline-obsessed with the Little Einsteins. She has a toy Rocket and Leo which she takes nearly everywhere with her. She has a hard time saying her "L"s right, and so "Leo" sounds a whole lot like "whale", or I guess it's more like "whay-o", which is pretty much how she says "whale".

*Ben decided it would be really cool to have a Joseph Smith and a Mormon video game. That way, when he wanted to play video games on Sunday, he could. He had many ideas for what each game could include!

*James works too much! The vast majority of the limited time-off that he's taken from work this year has been to do work-related things. So far, he's taken 2 1/2 days off for strictly family time this year. Oh, but don't worry, he has another 3 days scheduled off for family time this year.

***James would like me to note that he does spend time with the family on most weekends and holidays.

*I'm toying with the idea of taking a Home Staging course. I don't think I have the decorating sense, though. I'm better at the de-clutter/de-personalizing side of things.

*I've had no luck finding a pre-school for Brianna.

*Brianna has severe separation anxiety issues again. I don't quite know how to solve this. She's been crying a lot whenever I have to leave her anywhere -- even at home with her daddy and brother.

*We have soccer-related activities (practices/games) 3-4 times per week! Both Ben and Brianna are really good. It's so fun to watch them both!

*I think requiring everyone to have health insurance is a good idea.

*I think government health insurance is a bad idea.

*When my husband spends 12 hours putting some guy's face back together who chose to drive his motorcycle w/o a helmet and without health insurance, I have a hard time hearing about how the uninsured aren't getting the care they need.

*We are considering switching Ben's school. We may put him into a really good charter school here. I was really surprised when I talked with Ben about it, and he was in favor of it. We'll have to see if they're even taking any more students at this time.

*Yesterday, I made the mistake of telling Brianna about Disneyland. She threw a major fit for over an hour because she wanted to go. I told her maybe we'd go to Disneyland after Easter.

*First thing this morning, Brianna asked if we could go to Easter now.

More Than Just The Name of My Blog

Allegorically, viewing the world through a rose-colored lens presents beauty and filters impurities. Now, new research suggests that our moods can in fact change the way in which we view the world.

The University of Toronto study provides the first direct evidence that our mood literally changes the way our visual system filters our perceptual experience suggesting that seeing the world through rose-colored glasses is more biological reality than metaphor.

“Good and bad moods literally change the way our visual cortex operates and how we see,” says Adam Anderson, a U of T professor of psychology.

“Specifically our study shows that when in a positive mood, our visual cortex takes in more information, while negative moods result in tunnel vision.”

View the World Through Rose-Colored Glasses
By Rick Nauert PhD Senior News EditorReviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on June 5, 2009

A Serious Conversation

Brianna slept in until 7 today!! 7!!! Which means that I also slept in until 7! It felt AWESOME!
Ben is still asleep. I went in to wake him, to get ready for school, but his breathing was so deep and even, and he's been so tired lately, that I just didn't have the heart to do it. I'll take him to school late, if need be.

Last night, when I snuggled Ben at bedtime, he said to me, "I just don't know what to do. I always wanted to be in the Army, but last night I promised Heavenly Father that I would obey ALL of his commandments, and not killing is one of them. So, there goes being a soldier. [pause] And a police officer."
He was genuinely concerned about what options still lay open to him, so we discussed many options. He definitely did NOT want to be a doctor or a dentist. I suggested maybe a movie director, because he's always imagining elaborate movie scenes and describing them to me. "But," he said, "Twentieth Century Fox already HAS a director." :) I tried to explain that every movie and TV show needs a director.
"Maybe my wife will have to be the one to work." he said, "If I have one of those. I don't know if I'll even have a wife."
Then he got excited about the prospect of being a farmer. "I won't even have to go to the store for anything!!" I said, "You mean food-wise?" "No, not for anything, even toys! I can just make the toys from our trees!"
He wanted a cow, and some sheep, and a dog. "But I'm allergic to dogs!" he groaned, completely deflated. "I can't be a farmer without a dog!"
We finally had to end the conversation with the understanding that we still had time to figure out what he would be when he grows up.

So, what do YOU want to be when you grow up? Any suggestions for Ben?

A Practical Mother's Prayer

I'm having a rough day. My heart feels heavy, and I want to cry. Probably hormonal, but still very real feelings.
Yesterday, Ben was telling me about his music teacher who got married over the summer. He had her last year too, so he knew her by her maiden name first. That got him to thinking, and he asked me, "Was it hard for you to go from being a [maiden name] to a [married name]?"

I replied that I had always been very happy to be a [maiden name], but that I was very happy to become a [married name]. I explained that the switch was actually really easy for me -- easier than I had expected. I then reiterated, "I was very happy to become a [married name]."

And he said, "Ya, ... until you had children."

So, obviously, I'm doing a great job as a parent. My kids think I'm not happy to have them. It's no wonder. I feel like all day, everyday, I'm telling them not to do this, or to do that; I'm breaking up fights; I'm enforcing rules; I'm trying to get them to tone down their wild play before someone gets hurt; I'm sending to time-out; I'm trying to get them to pick up their stuff; etc. Most of the time, I feel like I'm being ignored. Now that I've written out how I spend my time all day, I figure it's no wonder they ignore me! I'm sure I'd do the same thing if someone I was around all day was doing/saying all of that.

So, on top of all of that, when I feel that I'm being ignored, my voice does this strange thing where it gets REALLY LOUD. I don't like that. And I'm not proud of it.

So I present you with what I will call

A Practical Mother's Prayer:

Please help me to not yell more than is absolutely necessary.

Please help me to remember how to laugh.

Please help me to not screw my children up too much.

Please help my children to not be opposed to therapy when they are older, and please help them to be able to afford it.

I guess today I am just painfully aware of all of my shortcomings, and feeling like I'll probably never be the mother/wife/homemaker/friend/visiting teacher/daughter/sister/in-law/etc. that I would like to be. And, sometimes, I just feel too tired to do any better.