The Quiet Heart

There is a line in a hymn that I love that says, "In the quiet heart is hidden sorrows that the eye can't see." I love that. It is so true. We all have sorrows past or present. We all have trials and hardships, challenges and difficulties. Some are more obvious to outsiders, and some are perfectly hidden.

There are parts to each of us that we would prefer others not know about. Usually things that we dislike about ourselves or refuse to accept. Some are things we can (or think we should be able to) control, and others are beyond our control.

I believe there is an innate fear surrounding these hidden sorrows. A fear of rejection should anyone discover. We each long for acceptance and true love, but fear holds us back from sharing with one another the things that we believe would bring about the feared rejection. Then, ironically, even when we find "acceptance" and "love" we don't fully trust it, believing that "if they only knew the real me," this love and acceptance would be lost.

In reality, the more we share with one another, the more mutual understanding, the more connected, the more actual love and acceptance we find. I'm not advocating T-shirts advertising our greatest weaknesses, or any of our hidden sorrows. I'm only observing that, in the right time and place, sharing with one another those sorrows that we usually keep hidden can actually be a validating, freeing, and therapeutic exercise. I think exercise is a good word for that, because it's not easy or comfortable.

In the MTC, they taught us not to share 'past transgressions', which I lovingly dubbed, "trans-pastgressions". I do believe there is wisdom in this for the most part -- especially as missionaries who carry that mantle and are teaching those with the first tender shoots of budding faith. There are times, however, when the lessons learned from our trans-pastgressions can and, perhaps should, be appropriately shared; times when that sharing could actually help lift another. Definitely discretion should always be used in this.

I used to put people up on pedestals and think they were completely infallible. Then, when I would find out, to my horror, that they were just regular people, I would be crushed. Boy have I come a long way! Much of my journey came through the trials of my life. I am grateful for the things that I have learned along the way. They have blessed me with more compassion and empathy, and with the sure unwavering knowledge that we truly each have our own sorrows hidden in our quiet hearts. No more pedestals here, just a lot of slack! Slack that I hope is afforded me in return.

Vocabulary Burst and Baseball Cap

On Monday, we had a well-child check-up for Brianna. The doctor asked if she was repeating words that we say. While she did have a handful of things that she would say consistently, I had to answer 'no'.

Well, it was as if Brianna just needed to hear what was expected of her, because she has been repeating words all week. And she says them so clearly! It's amazing to hear real words come out of such a tiny, darling little person!

Oh, my! While I was writing this, Brianna was being so cute, putting on Ben's baseball cap backwards! I had to grab the camera to share with you:

Strike a pose!

Can't you just tell how fun she is?!?

Food for Thought

I love to watch my boy dance! He has some amazing dance moves and is still uninhibited in performing them. I think it's sad that someday he may be too self-conscious and embarrassed to bust a move. What causes that loss of creative expression? How do I create a confidence in him that will last through the awkward pre-teen and early teen years?

Do our kids learn inhibition and self-degredation from us? When they ask us to sing a song, or to draw a picture, or to dance, do we answer with, "Oh, I'm not very good at that." or "I can't sing (dance, draw, etc.)." Or do we model what we would like to see and hear from them, "Sure, I love to sing (or draw, or dance)!" That doesn't mean we claim to be any good, it just means we'll give it a try.

Here is one of my favorite movie clips of my boy. It's a few years old. Not the best example of his dancing talent, but very funny! Any unauthorized reproduction, re-posting, transcription, translation, transliteration, transnumeration, trans-entering-into-AFM contests, etc, is strictly prohibited!!

This film has been rated PG-10 by the parent.

Because I know you're wondering, here are the words to his Batman song: Batman is a Super. He's n-not the bad guy. He (something) bats and he kills some bad guys. Now we remember him!

Random Peeks into Our Magical World

Each time I wipe Brianna's face with a cloth, she grabs my hand with both of her hands, forces the cloth into her mouth and immediately bites on it. Do you think she could have a cotton-deficiency?

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After telling him about a dear friend of ours who is struggling to do what she knows God wants her to do, even though it has taken her across the country from those closest to her heart, Ben said, "If I was Heavenly Father -- which I am not-- but if I was, I would let her live by Spencer!"

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Brianna likes to get into my drawer where I keep the clean dish cloths. She will take them out and then go around, scrubbing the floors and the walls. It is soooo cute to see such a little person doing something that seems so grown up. However, when other people witness this, we worry that they will have the impression that we make our 15 month-old scrub our floors. So, to lighten the mood in these situations, we say things like, "Cinderella, you missed a spot!"

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Just before dropping Ben off to school the other day, he asked, "So, . . . are you going to go buy a bunch of presents?"

"Um, . . . no. Why do you ask?"

"Well, it's Ghostie's birthday tomorrow." (Ghostie is Ben's imaginary brother who lives in our attic. He goes to night school, is in the fifth grade, and has frequent birthdays.)

"Wow! That Ghostie has more birthdays than anyone I've ever heard of."

"Yup. Every day that I'm in school he has a birthday."

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Yesterday, while I was taking care of a diaper I had just changed, I said to Brianna, "Go tickle Ben!" She immediately found him, lifted his shirt, and tickled his belly!

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Two days ago, Ben's teacher informed me that Ben did not want to participate in a painting project they were doing. They were painting their arms brown and their hands green to make a tree to go along with the story Chicka-Chicka Boom-Boom. She asked me to please address with him when it is appropriate to do these activities.

As I spoke with Ben, it became clear that the real issue was that he equated painting on himself with getting a tattoo. We have taught him that President Hinckley has told us not to get tattoo's.

Pretty impressive that he stood by his beliefs even when everyone else was doing it, and when his teacher, whom he loves and respects, was telling him there was nothing wrong with it.

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Cute grown-up-like things Brianna does:

• scrubs her own little body and hair in the shower!
• brushes her teeth (all six of them)!
• tries to comb her hair.
• teases her brother.
• folds her arms for prayers and says, "Anen" at the end.
• gets her shoes when it is time to go someplace.
  
  
  

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Of Geese and Men

When I was on my mission in Michigan, I found the multitude of lawn decorations bizarre, and slightly humorous. One day, after seeing, perhaps the hundredth dressed up cement goose, I said to my companion, "If I ever have a cement goose on my porch, just shoot me!"

Well, when James and I got married, this companion, along with some of the other sisters we served with, pitched in and bought us . . . yup, you guessed it . . . a cement goose! He came complete with two separate outfits.

Being the good sports that we are (and not knowing what else to do with him) we named him 'Butch' and put him on our front porch. He was our "Guard Goose." Now, back East, this is acceptable. Out West, however, well, . . . let's just say Butch was a great conversation piece. We actually grew to accept and to love our Butch.

You may have noticed that I have been using the past tense. Not long after we moved back East, where Butch actually found some acceptance, there was an unfortunate accident involving a small porch, several bags of garbage, and James' derriere knocking Butch off of the porch. It was ruled as 'unintenional goose-i-cide'.

Well, today, I came across a letter I wrote to a dear friend after I received her thoughtful sympathy card regarding Butch. I share it with you now, in loving memory of Butch:

"You guys are the best. We can't tell you what your support means to us in this trying time. It's hard,...everyday when I go and come, I am flooded with memories of Butch. (It probably doesn't have anything to do with the fact that we haven't quite disposed of his carcass yet.) He was such a good guard goose. Always at his post. Never a single complaining "honk" escaped his beak.

"He stood there through sweltering heat and freezing cold. He never let down his guard, even with children playing with him, or migrating flocks of geese flying over head. He was always such a good sport when I found it necessary to challenge his ganderhood by dressing him up in festive outfits. When friends and neighbors would ask, "Where'd'ya get the DUCK," Butch never outwardly flinched, though inwardly, I'm sure he boiled with indignation at the insult . Few families are blessed with such a stoic, constant, solid friend.

"I want you to know that you were always among Butch's favorites. It may have seemed to you that he was indifferent, but that was just his way of showing how much you meant to him. I'm positive that he stood a little taller whenever you were around.

"Thank you again for you thoughtful card. Bless you for your kindness."

Call It My IV Cocktail

Yesterday, after wrestling a nap-deprived Brianna and an unusually unruly Ben through Sacrament meeting, and then teaching Sunbeams at the last minute, I asked James if he could write me a prescription for IV patience. He informed me that it was a controlled substance beyond his authority or training to prescribe. . . . Dang it.

That got me to thinking of all of the things I would like to have in IV form:

Patience, of course.
Humor - extra-strength, please.
Wisdom - who couldn't use more?
Motivation - specifically targeting the cells that control cleaning of the dishes and taking care of the laundry.
Financial Intelligence - this doesn't come naturally to me.
Creativity - I hear it comes in handy.
Deseret Book's Time Out For Women - I got to go Saturday! Seriously awesome and totally inspiring!
Tolerance - sometimes I could use an extra dose, especially when dealing with non-customer oriented employees at businesses.
Oh, more Motivation - this time targeting the eating right and exercising cells!

I thought about chocolate, but that kind of defeats the purpose, right? I mean, I want to TASTE the chocolate!!

So, what would you put in your IV cocktail?

Kindergarten, Grandparents, and Butterflies, Oh MY!

We were so blessed to have James' parents visit with us all last week. It was so fun! We made a lot of great memories, and they spoiled us, as usual. We visited the waterpark, and the US Air Force Museum, and sent Ben off to his first days of Kindergarten! We love them so much and are so grateful that we had that opportunity to spend such great one on one time with them.








Ben was a little nervous on his first day of school.



He cheered up a little when I tried to wear his backpack.






Here he is exiting James' parents rental van on his way into Kindergarten for the first time.























And here we are in his classroom on the first day of school! Yay! We made it! No tears, and he did great! Ben is loving school so far.

Brianna just loved her Grandpa! Here, she's settled herself down into his lap with one of her favorite books, and a make-shift desk.

Ben and his daddy had caught some caterpillars; they had turned into chrysalises; and while Grammie and Grandpa were here, the first one hatched!! Sooo cool!

Ben did Grammie's hair! Ooooh, how pretty!

Then, they made silly faces together for the camera! (I'm sure Mom is soooo happy that I'm posting this :)

Here Ben is getting ready to fly an F-15. Brianna and I are part of the Ground Crew!

Trust me, Brianna takes her work VERY seriously. She did NOT like it when we had to leave!

A Sampling of the Maaany Reasons I'm Glad I Wasn't A Pioneer!

Occasionally, I get into this mode of thinking of all of the many reasons that I'm grateful that I live now, and that I was NOT a pioneer. Here are some of my thoughts/reasons:

NOW: With contacts, my legal blindness is practically a non-issue.
THEN: My legal blindness would be debilitating.

NOW: In the heat of summer, I enjoy the cool of air conditioning, wearing shorts, deodorant, Icee's, etc.
THEN: Loong dresses, body odor, sweat, certainly no flip-flops, etc.

NOW: I hate to do laundry now, and all I have to do is put it into the washer, put it into the dryer, and then hang, fold, or iron it.
THEN: Can you imagine????? Ugh! No wonder they didn't have large wardrobes!!

NOW: I get into my airconditioned (or heated) car and drive wherever I need to go.
THEN: Well, there's a reason the song says, "Pioneer children sang as they walked and walked and walked." (Don't get me wrong, I love a good walk for pleasure or exercise. But mandatory walking?? Please! Count me out!) Oh, and the horse and buggy thing, . . . really not too appealing. Especially if you're down-wind of the horse!

NOW: Feminine products, disposable diapers, etc.
THEN: Double UGH!!!

NOW: Medicine, pain relievers, toothpaste, etc.
THEN: Death. Pain. Rotten teeth. Etc.

NOW: Digital Cameras.
THEN: Daguerrotypes.

NOW: When we're curious about something we look it up with our high-speed internet.
THEN: I guess you'd find the nearest gossip or know-it-all and ask. I guess there were some libraries back then, but probably not very accessible.

NOW: James will get paid with money.
THEN: James would have been paid with peaches, bread, or other tradeable goods. (Although I do love peaches and bread! :)

NOW: Indoor plumbing.
THEN: Out-houses; streams; bushes; etc.

So, . . . what things are you grateful for NOW that they wouldn't have had THEN??

Top Five Lists

Things I was doing 10 Years Ago:
1. Teaching Preschool at Challenger.
2. Exercising regularly (4 times/week).
3. Going to the temple once a week.
4. Helping with my sister's wedding preparations, and then planning my own wedding.
5. Getting married to the greatest guy in the world!!

Songs I know the lyrics To:
1. "This is the time" by Billy Joel
2. "Hello Goodbye" by the Beatles
3. "Spirit in the Sky"
4. "The Eensie Weensie Spider" and a slew of other children's songs.
5. "Ben in the Field" by my son. Here are the lyrics:

That was a close call!

That was a close call!

When it was time for me,

As quick as a wink,

I fell down a hole!

And that's the story of

That was a close call!

That was a close call!

Thing's I would buy if I were a Millionaire:
1. Pay off all of our debt: student loans, home loans, etc.
2. Send my parents and James' parents on missions.
3. Camper or camp trailer.
4. A greenhouse for James.
5. Take a really great vacation with my family.

Things I would never wear Again:
1. Really huge, baggy, over-sized shirts.
2. Leg warmers.
3. Jelly shoes.
4. A ponytail on the side of my head.
5. Bright hot pink lipstick.

Things I would like to do Someday:
1. Exercise regularly.
2. Attend the temple monthly with my hubby.
3. Take control of my sweet tooth.
4. Learn to enjoy gardening.
5. Visit Samoa.

Favorite Toys:
1. The computer w/high speed internet.
2. Legos - one toy I actually enjoy playing with my son, and that he can play with on his own for hours at a time. (It caters to his creative mind.) Here's his Santa lego creation:

3. Fisher Price Bouncing Zebra toy - has provided lots and lots of fun and entertainment to my baby girl, which provides me with joy and entertainment! (See recent posts for pictures.)
4. Cell phone -- how did I live for so long without one????
5. Children's interactive computer games. They allow me time to get things done while keeping Ben occupied and engaged, thereby lessening the guilt factor!

I Tag these 5 People:
1. Dede
2. Sarah
3. Monica W.
4. Tania S.(do you even read this???)
5. Lindy-lou

Ha! Something New and Cool

Brianna was having such a ball playing on her zebra, I just had to share! (Plus, this is the first day that my blog has made it simple to upload my movies!! Yipee!)