An Update and stories

Thank you all so much for your concern and comments. It was helpful. We are still trying to figure out what is best for Ben. He had a better day yesterday, and today James and I are meeting with his teacher and an administrator to consult with one another about Ben.

I will try to give updates as we make decisions.

*******

On the Brianna front: she is just so dang cute! I can't look at her without thinking of how beautiful she is. She is beautiful on the inside too!

A few days ago, James and the kids were headed to the backyard to jump on the trampoline. Ben was already out there, and Brianna was trying to hurry James along. He finally said, "Hold your horses, Brianna." She very seriously, and with a slightly confused tone replied, "I not have horses." Then, James went in another room to get something, and Brianna headed outside. I overheard Ben ask her where Daddy was. She said, "Oh, he's wooking for some horses."

She is the most genuinely helpful 3 year old I've ever known. She is always trying to help me around the house, and sometimes she truly is quite helpful. She tends to think like a mom. When we visited my parents, she reminded her Grandfather to take his vitamins.
When Ben got stung by a hornet, she gently patted him, and said, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Bud. That reewy hurts." And a little later, when Ben was feeling better and playing, she walked up to him and asked, "How's the leg, Buddy? Feewing better?"

She pronounces "hospital" perfectly, even though Ben still says "hostable" (which I still think is adorable.) But some of her other words get really mixed up. I think it's darling, and sometimes I have a hard time modeling the correct pronunciation, because I like hers so well. For guitar, she says "target"; for mosquito bite, she says "skoodee bite"; for umbrella, she says "zebra"??; for bones, she says "uggles"??; for polka dots, she says "kooky dots"; and for bruise, she says "screw". I haven't quite figured out how she comes up with all of them, I'm just enjoying this stage.

Have a great weekend!!

Being a Parent Is Hard

We put Ben into a charter school last week. We had heard sooooo much good about it -- the curriculum, the behavior of the kids, etc., etc.
Before he was able to start there, he had to be tested for placement in his math and reading groups. On the day that he was tested, we happened to be there for a fire drill. It was interesting to observe. The kids filed out quietly in their neat uniforms; maintained straight lines; didn't play or push or poke or laugh; answered when their name was called the first time, then walked back into their classrooms in nice straight lines. I had two impressions from watching this: 1) I was impressed that kids could do a fire drill that orderly and seriously, and 2) I wondered if, possibly, this was a very well disguised Nazi concentration camp.
Then we were allowed to go into the classroom and meet the teacher. When we entered, the children were all sitting in their seats, feet under their desks, pencils in hand, mouths closed, eyes on teacher. Again, I thought "Wow!" and "Is this actually normal/good behavior?"
I worried that the change from one school to another might be really hard on Ben. However, on his first day, I stayed for about half of the day. He was doing all right, but there was a lot of changing from one class to another for all of the different subjects. When they taught his spelling/English class, I about died. I always thought that I was relatively smart when it came to English, but this method was truly like a foreign language to me. It's hard to be able to help your child to learn when you don't understand it yourself.
Ben has been miserable. He cries at school. He tells me he hates everything about the new school. He wants his old school back. Today, his tummy started hurting about ten minutes before it was time to go to school. I figured it was a "nervous tummy" as I like to call it. So, I took him to school. Since his teacher told me that he cried a lot yesterday, and since his tummy hurt, I knew he wouldn't go without me. So, I stayed again. I felt very welcome the first day when I stayed. I felt very much like the teachers would like me to leave today. His teacher let me know that Brianna was not allowed to come with me. In his math class, I had been sitting on the floor in the back with Brianna, when Ben came with the Teacher's Aide and a small group to do a lesson. They sat right by me, and Ben sat in my lap. Apparently this is a big "no, no" too.
His main teacher took me aside and did everything but straight-out ask me to leave. I could tell by the way she was speaking to me that she felt that I was probably the real core of Ben's trouble with this adjustment. If I would just make him "buck up" we would be done with the crying and he would be just fine and dandy. I hate being talked down to. I hate it when people who don't know me or my children pass judgement on us and make assumptions.

Right now, I want to put him back in his old school. Maybe he wasn't challenged enough there, but he also wasn't getting an ulcer. He didn't cry. He enjoyed school. Yes, his teacher there asked me at the beginning of the school year if he was taking school seriously. Maybe he wasn't, but is prison camp the answer?

If I take him out, am I teaching him to quit when things are difficult and challenging? If I leave him in, am I teaching him that even when he's completely overwhelmed and miserable, those feelings aren't valid and he's just got to buck up?

The teacher's aide in his main classroom took me aside and urged me to consider home school. She made it clear that she doesn't think that his home room teacher is a good fit for him.

I need help. What should I do?????????

Random Tidbits Overload . . . With Pictures!

Well, apparently Blogger isn't going to let me move my pictures around like I want to. So, I wrote a post and then I stuck in all these pictures. But, since this is a random post, I guess it doesn't matter if it flows or even makes sense, right?

*Here are the two cutest kids in my world!!
* Brianna just spontaneously started hugging Ben at McDonald's, and said, "Mom, take a picture."

*Ben and Brianna worked really hard to arrange this bountiful harvest basket for me.
*James' wonderful Aunt and Uncle invited us (or did we invite ourselves??) to come with them on Labor Day and play at the beach with them and their JetSkis! It was soooo fun!

*Oh, the things you can do with licorice!

* Someone got pretty tired by the end of the afternoon. But, boy oh boy, did she like the JetSki's!! Ben did too! Ben was allowed to "drive" with James on. Ben would go 45 mph! I took Brianna up to about 35 mph, and she let me know that she did NOT like that speed. It took me quite a while to convince her to go back out with me. When she did, I took her at about 20 mph, which she was o.k. with. She called that speed, "A wittow tiny bit fast."

*What a handsome boy! Even with hair that's been done by lake water and wind!

*Every time I sit down to write a new post, my mind goes blank

*Um, ... see?

*Okay, let's give this another go.

*I'm waiting for a delivery from UPS!

*It's some clothes that I ordered online, when I was feeling sorry for myself.

*The kids really liked the beach, but their preference was being out on the JetSki's.

*Here's our kids and some good friend's kids playing in our backyard! Aren't they all so cute?

*I'm a little sad that the mosquitoes are gone for the summer. Only because when Brianna would get a bite, she called it a "Skoodee bite". It was soooo cute! It nearly made the mosquitoes worth it.

*Ben made up a chocolate-coconut no bake cookie recipe yesterday. They turned out really gooey, but very tastey!

*Brianna is borderline-obsessed with the Little Einsteins. She has a toy Rocket and Leo which she takes nearly everywhere with her. She has a hard time saying her "L"s right, and so "Leo" sounds a whole lot like "whale", or I guess it's more like "whay-o", which is pretty much how she says "whale".

*Ben decided it would be really cool to have a Joseph Smith and a Mormon video game. That way, when he wanted to play video games on Sunday, he could. He had many ideas for what each game could include!

*James works too much! The vast majority of the limited time-off that he's taken from work this year has been to do work-related things. So far, he's taken 2 1/2 days off for strictly family time this year. Oh, but don't worry, he has another 3 days scheduled off for family time this year.

***James would like me to note that he does spend time with the family on most weekends and holidays.

*I'm toying with the idea of taking a Home Staging course. I don't think I have the decorating sense, though. I'm better at the de-clutter/de-personalizing side of things.

*I've had no luck finding a pre-school for Brianna.

*Brianna has severe separation anxiety issues again. I don't quite know how to solve this. She's been crying a lot whenever I have to leave her anywhere -- even at home with her daddy and brother.

*We have soccer-related activities (practices/games) 3-4 times per week! Both Ben and Brianna are really good. It's so fun to watch them both!

*I think requiring everyone to have health insurance is a good idea.

*I think government health insurance is a bad idea.

*When my husband spends 12 hours putting some guy's face back together who chose to drive his motorcycle w/o a helmet and without health insurance, I have a hard time hearing about how the uninsured aren't getting the care they need.

*We are considering switching Ben's school. We may put him into a really good charter school here. I was really surprised when I talked with Ben about it, and he was in favor of it. We'll have to see if they're even taking any more students at this time.

*Yesterday, I made the mistake of telling Brianna about Disneyland. She threw a major fit for over an hour because she wanted to go. I told her maybe we'd go to Disneyland after Easter.

*First thing this morning, Brianna asked if we could go to Easter now.

More Than Just The Name of My Blog

Allegorically, viewing the world through a rose-colored lens presents beauty and filters impurities. Now, new research suggests that our moods can in fact change the way in which we view the world.

The University of Toronto study provides the first direct evidence that our mood literally changes the way our visual system filters our perceptual experience suggesting that seeing the world through rose-colored glasses is more biological reality than metaphor.

“Good and bad moods literally change the way our visual cortex operates and how we see,” says Adam Anderson, a U of T professor of psychology.

“Specifically our study shows that when in a positive mood, our visual cortex takes in more information, while negative moods result in tunnel vision.”

View the World Through Rose-Colored Glasses
By Rick Nauert PhD Senior News EditorReviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on June 5, 2009

A Serious Conversation

Brianna slept in until 7 today!! 7!!! Which means that I also slept in until 7! It felt AWESOME!
Ben is still asleep. I went in to wake him, to get ready for school, but his breathing was so deep and even, and he's been so tired lately, that I just didn't have the heart to do it. I'll take him to school late, if need be.

Last night, when I snuggled Ben at bedtime, he said to me, "I just don't know what to do. I always wanted to be in the Army, but last night I promised Heavenly Father that I would obey ALL of his commandments, and not killing is one of them. So, there goes being a soldier. [pause] And a police officer."
He was genuinely concerned about what options still lay open to him, so we discussed many options. He definitely did NOT want to be a doctor or a dentist. I suggested maybe a movie director, because he's always imagining elaborate movie scenes and describing them to me. "But," he said, "Twentieth Century Fox already HAS a director." :) I tried to explain that every movie and TV show needs a director.
"Maybe my wife will have to be the one to work." he said, "If I have one of those. I don't know if I'll even have a wife."
Then he got excited about the prospect of being a farmer. "I won't even have to go to the store for anything!!" I said, "You mean food-wise?" "No, not for anything, even toys! I can just make the toys from our trees!"
He wanted a cow, and some sheep, and a dog. "But I'm allergic to dogs!" he groaned, completely deflated. "I can't be a farmer without a dog!"
We finally had to end the conversation with the understanding that we still had time to figure out what he would be when he grows up.

So, what do YOU want to be when you grow up? Any suggestions for Ben?

A Practical Mother's Prayer

I'm having a rough day. My heart feels heavy, and I want to cry. Probably hormonal, but still very real feelings.
Yesterday, Ben was telling me about his music teacher who got married over the summer. He had her last year too, so he knew her by her maiden name first. That got him to thinking, and he asked me, "Was it hard for you to go from being a [maiden name] to a [married name]?"

I replied that I had always been very happy to be a [maiden name], but that I was very happy to become a [married name]. I explained that the switch was actually really easy for me -- easier than I had expected. I then reiterated, "I was very happy to become a [married name]."

And he said, "Ya, ... until you had children."

So, obviously, I'm doing a great job as a parent. My kids think I'm not happy to have them. It's no wonder. I feel like all day, everyday, I'm telling them not to do this, or to do that; I'm breaking up fights; I'm enforcing rules; I'm trying to get them to tone down their wild play before someone gets hurt; I'm sending to time-out; I'm trying to get them to pick up their stuff; etc. Most of the time, I feel like I'm being ignored. Now that I've written out how I spend my time all day, I figure it's no wonder they ignore me! I'm sure I'd do the same thing if someone I was around all day was doing/saying all of that.

So, on top of all of that, when I feel that I'm being ignored, my voice does this strange thing where it gets REALLY LOUD. I don't like that. And I'm not proud of it.

So I present you with what I will call

A Practical Mother's Prayer:

Please help me to not yell more than is absolutely necessary.

Please help me to remember how to laugh.

Please help me to not screw my children up too much.

Please help my children to not be opposed to therapy when they are older, and please help them to be able to afford it.

I guess today I am just painfully aware of all of my shortcomings, and feeling like I'll probably never be the mother/wife/homemaker/friend/visiting teacher/daughter/sister/in-law/etc. that I would like to be. And, sometimes, I just feel too tired to do any better.

Today ...

*Today I woke Ben up and got him into the shower early; fed him oatmeal; and got him to the bus stop by 7:20! Then, I started to get suspicious that there were no other kids in sight. I went home and searched on the internet for his bus stop and pick up time. I had tried without success before, but this time I found it. Sure enough, we were at a correct bus stop. It's just that the pick up time is 8:23, not 7:23! They say you lose a lot of what you learned during the school year over summer vacation -- I guess that doesn't just apply to the kids!!

*********

*Today Ben rode the bus to his first day of Second Grade.

*Today he had his hair a little spikey, a black shirt with a bright Star Wars picture all over it, jean shorts, dark blue socks, tennis shoes, his Spiderman backpack, and a dirty jacket (which he chose in favor of his new, clean jacket).

*Today we went to a new bus stop. Ben didn't like that. Last year he was the only kid at his bus stop, which was farther than the one we went to today with lots of kids. I think he likes the alone time before starting his day. Maybe we'll go to the old one tomorrow.

*********

*Today I had the following conversation with Brianna while she was in the bathtub:

Me: You have gymnastics today.

Brianna: Ben's coming?

Me: No. Ben has school.

Brianna: Why we weave Ben at school for gymnastics?

Me: Because he has to go to school and learn.

Brianna: Then he wiw come home to my home and your home?

Me: Yes, he will come home.

Brianna: He just goes to school for a wittow whyow?

Me: Yup. For a little while.

********

*Today my heart hurts just a little.

Chicken Broccoli Alfredo

So, I got a little creative with dinner tonight, and it turned out really well. Here's what I did:

Chicken Broccoli Alfredo

Alfredo Sauce
1/4 cup of butter
2-ish tsp garlic
1 can chicken broth
1-ish cup of cream
1/2-ish cup of half -n-half
3/4 container of Kraft shredded parmesean
1/4 - 1/2 cup Kraft Three Cheese blend
1 big spoonful plop of low-fat mayonnaise
Salt to taste (approx. 1 - 2 tsp.)
pepper to taste
Fresh chopped parsley, several Tbsp.

Melt butter over med-low heat, add garlic and saute. Pour in chicken broth then cream and 1/2-n- 1/2. Add salt & pepper and cheeses and continue to heat over medium to medium-low heat until cheese melts into sauce. Plop in mayonnaise and stir in. Add fresh chopped parsley just before pouring over noodles, chicken sausage, and veggies.

*****
Cook fettuccini noodles to al dente in chicken broth.
*****

Saute chopped chicken sausage (Bistro Sensations, smoked mozzarella with artichoke and garlic) in chicken broth. Add more chicken broth, add chopped broccoli and chopped red bell pepper. Cover and steam for a few minutes.

******
Combine everything and serve with garlic bread and Ceasar salad.

_________
The reviews are as follows:
James: Olive Garden has nothin' on you.
Great Grandpa: This is really excellent.
Ben: I'd have to say the same thing.
Brianna: More bread, please.

____________
I'm glad it worked, because I didn't follow a recipe, and I've never made Alfredo sauce from scratch before. I just looked at a bunch of recipes and got an idea of what is usually in Alfredo sauce, and then I winged it. I wrote it down the best that I can remember.

Where to Begin??

Part One:
Toward the end of June, I had my "YEARLY EXAM". We discussed my infertility, and some of the issues my body is currently giving me. My new gynecologist ordered an ultrasound "just to get a look at the structures inside."

Well, as I expected, all my "structures" were perfectly normal. The ultrasound did show, however, that I had gall stones. "O.k.," I thought, "I'll keep that in mind in case I ever have any symptoms."

Over the 4th of July weekend, we were able to see my awesome youngest brother perform with his band, attend my extended family's yearly picnic and fireworks, and take part in the Annual Grandkid's Birthday Bash! It was so fun to be there for everything after missing out on so much for so many years!

Then, since my parents decided to make an offer on a wonderful home, and put theirs up for sale, I decided to stay the week and help them get ready to list their home. We packed things up, rearranged, and "staged" with gusto! It was fun. I'm glad I could be there to help with the process. I think it was a way for me to gain closure with my childhood home.

Then, that Saturday morning, I packed the kids back in the car, and we headed to Vernal, where we met James to attend his family's annual reunion. It was great to be back together with James, and to see the relatives. But I wasn't feeling very well. So, after the picnic, I headed to Grandpa Boyd's to take a nap. When we went to dinner that night, I still didn't feel well, and only ordered a shake (you know, the perfect thing for someone who isn't feeling well.)

We drove home that night, and the next morning, I stayed home from church because I still wasn't feeling too great.

Part Two:
By Monday morning, I felt like maybe I was on the mend, but I did have this annoying, gnawing pain right below my sternum. I sort of remembered my mom asking me a few times, while I was helping her pack, why I was holding my hand to my stomach. "Oh, I just have a little pain," I would respond.

Well, that annoying, gnawing pain continued until on Wednesday night, I asked James if he would examine me. He did the doctor thing, poking, prodding, and tapping my abdomen, until he announced, "Um, I think it's your gall bladder." He suggested I make an appointment with a doctor, especially as we were to be headed back East in just a week. Then, he said I should probably go straight to a general surgeon to be checked.

The next morning, James called to say that he had spoken with a friend who was a general surgeon. This doctor listened to James' story about me, pulled up my ultrasound pictures, and said he wanted to see me at his office at 9 am.

So, the kids and I went to his office. He told me that I had some pretty major gall stones, but that that didn't necessarily mean that we needed to do anything about it. Then he did the doctor thing with the poking and prodding and tapping. He said, "I can feel your gall bladder. I shouldn't be able to feel it. You need surgery. I can do it today or Monday. But with your trip next Wednesday, we better do it today." It was Thursday. He left the room to see what could be scheduled, and came back in to tell me I would be having surgery in three hours.

Part Three:
Gulp! I left and immediately started making phone calls. My good friend here dropped everything to take my kids for the day. James' parents dropped everything to drive six hours to help us out for the weekend. James' scheduler rearranged all of his afternoon patients so he could be with me. James' partner came over to the surgery center to help James to give me a blessing.

Everything was happening so fast, but it was apparent that there were angels seen and unseen who were watching over me.

As I lay in the hospital bed, with the gown open in the back, the thought occurred to me, and I asked James, "So, uh, if I'm wearing the gown with the opening in the back, but they're going to be cutting into me on the front, ...?" James' response? "Don't worry honey, you'll be totally knocked out." .... Comforting.

And then, I knew I would be wheeled into surgery any moment, and I REALLY started to feel panicky. I mean REALLY panicky. I asked James to just talk to me. I have no idea what he said, but the sound of his voice was comforting. I prayed. And I wondered, "Do I really NEED surgery? I mean it's just an annoying pain; I've been putting up with it for a while, I could continue."

About this time, they started wheeling me away, and whatever it was that they had put into my IV was making me feel v e r y s l e e p y. I don't remember anything else until several hours later when I woke up.

As I lay there, I remember thinking, "the pain is the same, but I don't feel so sick." The fact that the pain felt the same to me with FOUR INCISIONS is probably indicative that I maybe should have had things checked out sooner. But, it was only the same when I was laying still. When I moved, the pain was really bad. I couldn't roll over or sit up on my own.

Finally, with James' help, I sat up, and got dressed (I'll leave out the part about me vomiting and about how bad that hurt. I mean, you really don't want to know about that, right?).
James drove me home, and James, his parents, and my kids helped to take care of me for the next several days. On Sunday, James' parents headed home, and my mom came to help out.
I was making progress everyday, but still hurt, and had low reserves. I was/am so grateful that I had so much help, and that my kids and home were well cared for and loved.

Part Four:
When I went to my follow-up appointment on Tuesday, the doctor told me, "When I saw your gall bladder, I couldn't believe you had walked into my office that morning. It was so sick and swollen and angry that I thought it might start throwing punches when I pulled it out!" He explained to me that there was no way I would have made it until Monday to have had surgery.

Apparently my large gall stones had totally blocked my bile duct, and I had developed hydrops. Which means that instead of being a storage unit for bile, my gall bladder had reabsorbed all of the bile, and had filled with a thick watery substance. He said that my gall bladder had probably not been functioning for months.

He also said that I was fine to travel the next day. James agreed. I had my doubts. But my mom helped me pack (I'm pretty sure she had her doubts too), and early Wednesday morning -- post-op day 6 -- we headed out to Virginia, D.C. and PA.

Part Five:
The kids and I toured Jamestown, ate at expensive (and not that great) pancake houses, and bought souvenirs, while James attended a sinus surgery course. Then, on Saturday, we all headed to D.C. where we visited the Lincoln Memorial, the Washington Monument, and the Smithsonian (specifically the Natural History and Air and Space museums).

On Sunday evening, James flew back home to go back to work (like we need to pay off all those student loans, or something.) And, on Monday, I had the awesome opportunity to visit one of my favorite mission companions who lives near Baltimore. We had a great visit, and I didn't want it to end. It helps, though, when you're looking forward to the next part of your vacation.

That evening, we drove to PA to visit my sister Tiffany and her wonderful family.
Oh, my, I enjoyed my time with them so much! They are fun and VERY funny, and wise. They were o.k. with my slow pace as we ate delicious food, visited, and made wonderful memories.

Then, we came home -- back to real life, inescapable responsibilities, and the impending school year. So, that's what I did on my Summer Vacation! And, other than the unexpected surgery, it was really great. Even with the surgery, I can see so many blessing surrounding it. The fact that I was able to get in and get it done so quickly; the recent ultrasound showing the gall stones; the people who helped out with no prior notice; the fact that I wasn't SO sick despite being so sick; the timing in relation to our trip (one day less to recover, and I would definitely NOT have been going); the blessing I was able to receive; etc., etc.

So, how did you spend your Summer Vacation?

Do YOU Have a Bathroom Fan?

We once had a neighbor who would turn her radio up, and face it toward our paper-thin walls each morning. Since we had paper-thin walls, we were used to hearing noise from our neighbor, and didn't think much of it. Until one day, when James said to me, "I think she turns up her music each time we shower." Sure enough, we started to see a correlation between our showering, and her music. A few days later, we had house guests. After the fourth shower of the day, the music coming through the walls was VERY loud and angry.

James decided to go next door and see if there was a problem that we could work through. Well, James didn't get a word in edge-wise as our neighbor cursed him up and down, and accused him of turning on our bathroom fan to deliberately irritate her. She said that it sounded like a freight train running through her bedroom each time we turned it on. And she ended the wonderful encounter by slamming the door in his face.

At first I was very angry. How dare she? As if we would turn on our bathroom fan to irritate her?! Granted, our bathroom fan was louder than the average bathroom fan, but I slept approximately three steps from the bathroom, and had no trouble sleeping through the fan noise. Since our condos were mirror images of each other, she probably slept approximately four steps from our bathroom. We decided that she must have trained herself to hear the bathroom fan because she had convinced herself that we were making this terrible noise specifically to disturb her.

Later, as I thought more about the whole situation, I realized that I, too, listened for "bathroom fans". Whether because of experiences I had had, or situations I was in, or because I had trained myself to hear them, there were things that I was taking offense at, when no offense was intended. I realized that in doing this, I was cheating myself out of peace and happiness; I was placing unnecessary barriers between myself and the supposed offender and thereby robbing myself of potential meaningful relationships.

I was reminded of this instance recently, when a friend shared with me an experience she had had. My friend moved to a new home several months ago, and soon after received a three page single-spaced type-written letter from her former next-door neighbor. The letter was filled with venom and hatred. The main complaint this former neighbor expressed was against the "selfishness" that my friend had exhibited by not chopping down a tree in their yard that had shaded this neighbor's pool. They had lived next door to each other for many years. It was obvious from the letter that this woman had obsessed over this situation for years, and had seen in it a "bathroom fan". She was certain that my friend was refusing to cut down her tree, simply to make this woman's whole life miserable. She mentioned in the letter that her friends had stopped coming over, a fact that she attributed to the tree not being chopped down.

It is sad to me that this woman wasted YEARS fuming over a situation that my friend had NO idea was bothering her. But, the absolutely saddest part of this is that this woman missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime. She lived next door to two of the most wonderful, unselfish, giving, kind, Christ-like people on the face of the earth, and instead of allowing herself the blessing of their easy friendship, she withdrew into an offended, angry shadow. Yes, Ms. Former Neighbor, I would venture to guess that it was not so much the shadow of the "offending" tree that kept your friends away, as it was the shadow of your offended anger and hatred.

May we all realize the "bathroom fans" that we are allowing to rob us of happiness, peace, and friendship, and may we "turn them off", so to speak, and move forward, embracing all that life has to offer us.