WIBS

There I was sobbing in our closed bedroom closet.  It had been yet another unofficial Mother's Day in our married student ward -- a ward which one visitor quipped "should be renamed the Maternity Ward."  It was true, at any given time, it seemed that at least one third of the ward was pregnant, while at least another third had newborn babies.  It was a very difficult ward to be in during our child-less "unexplained infertility" years.  The real Mother's Day was hard enough, but at least I knew when it was coming, and could, to some degree, mentally prepare for it.  It was these unofficial Mother's Days, where all the testimonies centered around the blessings and joy of motherhood, and where the Relief Society lesson was centered on the same, that left me in the emotionally crumpled heap I found myself in inside my closet.
I didn't want to come out.  Ever.  I was so tired of this rollercoaster.  I was so tired of hurting; of wanting; of wondering what I had done to render me so completely unworthy.  Emotionally, I felt completely beaten to a bloody pulp.
At some point during my heart-wrenching sobs, James knocked on the closet door, and gently reminded me that my Visiting Teachers would be at our home in just a few minutes.  My first instinct was to have him send them away, but I knew that would draw more attention to me and my "issues" than I could handle; so, I pulled myself together, emerged from the closet, fixed my make-up and greeted my Visiting Teachers when they arrived. 
They were newly assigned to me, and we did not know each other well.  During the lesson, one of them shared with me a personal experience she had just had: she and her husband had just realized that she was pregnant!  They were devastated.  How could this happen?  The timing was SO bad!  They were trying to get through school, etc., etc.  And then, they found out that it was a false alarm.  They were SO relieved.
In short, it was The.Completely.Wrong.Message to share with me on that particular day.  Strangely enough, however, instead of feeling further crushed, I felt love.  I felt that these ladies went out of their way to come and visit me, and although the words were all wrong, I had a definite sense that I was being watched over, and that if they had had ANY idea what I had been feeling, not ten minutes before they arrived, they would have shared something very different with me.  But it didn't matter.  God made it all good.  I don't understand how He can make that happen, but I know He can, because I know He did.
This actually gives me hope and courage.  You see, there are a lot of trials that I have never experienced in this life (not complaining or asking for more, mind you) and I often feel that I have no idea what to say to friends, loved ones, or acquaintances who may be facing these trials.  But, maybe if I just open my mouth, and am sincere, God will make my WIBS (well-intentioned-but-stupid) remarks into something good-- in spite of my weaknesses and faults.  At least, I hope He will.

Brianna -- our little authoress

Brianna M  Turtle in a nest

Can you see the turtle in the nest

Tutle why are you always in the nest

Little turtle what did you do



Snuggle time for turtle

She met him at Hobby Lobby.  It was a whirlwind romance
which ended when we saw the pricetag.

Our little Pilgrim

Dang!  She's a good little skier!

A very common occurrance in our home: Brianna shows up
dressed in some humorous fashion and asks me to take a picture!

Pondering the Vision of the Tree of Life

I have had the opportunity to hear/participate in the Tree of Life lesson in Sunday School for two weeks in a row--my awesome Mother-in-Law taught it in her ward last week where we were visiting, and my awesome husband taught it in our ward this week (where I was not visiting).  Between my Mother-in-Law's lesson last week, my own preparations to teach about the Holy Ghost in YW this week, and James' lesson, I have had some thoughts/insights that were new to me.

When Lehi begins the account of his vision of the Tree of Life, he says, "And it came to pass that I saw a man, and he was dressed in a white robe; and he came and stood before me.  And it came to pass that he spake unto me, and bade me follow him.  And it came to pass that as I followed him I beheld myself that I was in a dark and dreary waste."  (1 Nephi 8:5-7)

I've always found that strange.  I mean, I assume he is following a Heavenly messenger--a being of light and hope, perhaps the Holy Ghost, himself--and yet he finds himself in a dark and dreary waste.  What the?

He continues his account with "And after I had traveled for the space of many hours in darkness, I began to pray unto the Lord that he would have mercy on me, according to the multitude of his tender mercies.  And it came to pass after I had prayed unto the Lord I beheld a large and spacious field.  And it came to pass that I beheld a tree, whose fruit was desirable to make one happy." (1 Nephi 8:8-10)

So, it struck me today, that a Prophet of God, who has been following a Heavenly messenger, finds himself in a dark and dreary waste, and it isn't until he PRAYS that he is able to see where he is and where he needs to go.  And, significantly, where he needs to go is to the Tree of Life, which, of course, is a representation of the Love of God, or in other words Christ. 

He then goes directly to the Tree and partakes of the fruit (eternal life).  He tastes it and it is wonderful, and he wants his family to have the same wonderful fruit and so he "casts his eyes round about" at which point his eyes are opened to the rest of the vision: his family, the rod, the straight and narrow path, the numberless concourses of people, the river, the large and spacious building, the mists of darkness, etc. 

Therefore, the guidance of the Holy Ghost combined with prayer lead us to Christ.  Once we have come unto Christ, felt of the love of God, and tasted of eternity (through making and keeping covenants) our vision and our understanding are expanded. Then we, like Lehi, may see our family, and those over whom we have stewardship, more clearly; we may see the course that leads to Christ and eternal life; and we may see the challenges and obstacles and temptations that they and we face.

So, what of those who make it to the Tree, eat of the fruit, and then become ashamed and fall away?  "I beheld others pressing forward, and they came forth and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press forward through the mist of darkness, clinging to the rod of iron, even until they did come forth and partake of the fruit of the tree.  And after they had partaken of the fruit of the tree they did cast their eyes about as if they were ashamed."  (1 Nephi 8:24-25)  I think the key lies in their own strength (or lack thereof).  Yes, they pressed forward through the mist of darkness, but they were clinging to the rod, which we know represents the word of God.  To me, the word "clinging" sounds more fear-filled than faith-filled.  My thought is that they relied entirely on the rod, neglecting to internalize the word of God, so that, even when they had arrived at the Tree they had yet to "come unto Christ". 
For when we truly come unto Christ, we are filled with his love, or in other words with charity.  And, when we are filled with charity, we see people as God sees them.  Charity helps us to understand what people are communicating, without getting stuck on what they are saying or doing.  Therefore, through charity-filled eyes, the people in the large and spacious building who are mocking don't make us feel ashamed, rather, we see clearly that they have no foundation; we see that although there are multitudes, they are still alone.
Those who did not fall away were described as "continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree."  (1 Nephi 8:30)  Perhaps the real difference is that they not only kept the word of God firmly in their hand, but also firmly in their hearts.  They had a strength within themselves that comes from testimony firmly rooted within.  Therefore, knowing who they are and knowing the true source of their strength and hope and peace, they were able to "heed not" those who scorned them.
So, the "cling"-ers, to me at least, sort of parallel Lehi before he prayed.  One might think that Lehi following a Heavenly messenger would be just fine, but until he exercised his faith to pray, he had not truly come unto Christ.  The "cling"-ers arrived at the Tree without that same exercise of faith, and were, therefore, still blind to a degree, and were not strengthened within themselves.

One last thought I had was this: "Laman and Lemuel" who "partook not of the fruit" probably can't even see the Tree!!(Nephi 8:35) If Lehi, who was following the Spirit couldn't see it until he prayed, then it stands to reason that his son's who refuse to inquire of the Lord (or to pray in any way that would invite personal revelation), who claim, "the Lord maketh no such thing known unto us" (Nephi 15:9) would not have that sight or vision made manifest unto them.

Lockdown

When I picked up Brianna after Kindergarten the other day she said,
"We had a lockdown today."
"You had a lockdown today?"
"Yes, we had to go into the dark closet and stay very quiet.  I was shivering I was so scared.  Then I said a prayer, and Jesus telled me that it was just a drill."

Wow.

I'm very glad it was just a drill.

I'm very sad that "lockdown drills" are necessary.

I'm very glad that my daughter knew to pray.

I'm very glad that she received a comforting answer.

Hug your children a little closer today. 

I will.

Backyard Completion Pictures

Yes!  It did finally get done!  And we love it!!!  This first picture was before we added the rubber mulch in this play area.

Strangely, I neglected to take pictures of the whole yard, and now, there are no leaves on the trees, but leaves all over the ground, so I'll wait until it looks a little better to better show the grass area and garden areas. :)

Our Happy, Busy, Full Life - IN PICTURES!

 Rascal and his boy!

 Backyard BEFORE pictures.

The Mighty Ben has removed a major shrub, ALL BY HIMSELF!!

 Backyard DURING pictures!

 We interrupt this backyard renovation for an anniversary celebration trip to Bryce Canyon!

 I took this picture so that I could show our children just exactly what Daddy was doing just before he fell off the cliff.

Some of the plant-life was more cooperative for photos than others.

Oh yeah!  That's my man!

Can you see the sundog?

Isn't this a WAY cool picture?

Salty Dog.

My self-portrait on Salty Dog.

A little piece of paradise!

James is/was WAY more brave than I.  Who knows what might be down there??

Grammie and Grandpa with the grandkids at our niece Natalie's baptism.

 More DURING photos.  (Contractor time is different from regular people time.  "3 weeks" actually means about 2 1/2 months.)

Sadly, I lost my wedding ring this summer.  So, for our 14th anniversary, we went ring shopping.  I chose the one on my middle finger.  It's a beauty!

We interrupt this backyard make-over again, for a trip to San Francisco!

We ate here, mmmmmmmm!

And here, mmmmmmm!

And here, WOW!!

We interrupt this trip to San Francisco for a summer flashback:

poor, sweet Brianna fell and cut her eyelid this summer.  Once she stopped screaming, she was incredibly brave.

Who's crazy kids are these anyway??!

This is my awesome oldest brother, playing lead guitar in his awesome band, Kindle Creek.

If you haven't heard them, check out www.kindlecreek.com and take a listen.

Recycling in action.

A fun autumn Sunday hike at our nearby ski resort.

Messy!

James took me on a FANCY date!  (Don't we look like a couple of high schoolers on our way to Prom?)

Ben at piano lessons. 

The orange jetski is one of ours.  The other one is it's identical twin.  (Not sure which was born first.  Don't say anything, but I can't tell them apart.)

HAPPY FALL!!