Tuesday, January 31, 2012

WIBS

There I was sobbing in our closed bedroom closet.  It had been yet another unofficial Mother's Day in our married student ward -- a ward which one visitor quipped "should be renamed the Maternity Ward."  It was true, at any given time, it seemed that at least one third of the ward was pregnant, while at least another third had newborn babies.  It was a very difficult ward to be in during our child-less "unexplained infertility" years.  The real Mother's Day was hard enough, but at least I knew when it was coming, and could, to some degree, mentally prepare for it.  It was these unofficial Mother's Days, where all the testimonies centered around the blessings and joy of motherhood, and where the Relief Society lesson was centered on the same, that left me in the emotionally crumpled heap I found myself in inside my closet.
I didn't want to come out.  Ever.  I was so tired of this rollercoaster.  I was so tired of hurting; of wanting; of wondering what I had done to render me so completely unworthy.  Emotionally, I felt completely beaten to a bloody pulp.
At some point during my heart-wrenching sobs, James knocked on the closet door, and gently reminded me that my Visiting Teachers would be at our home in just a few minutes.  My first instinct was to have him send them away, but I knew that would draw more attention to me and my "issues" than I could handle; so, I pulled myself together, emerged from the closet, fixed my make-up and greeted my Visiting Teachers when they arrived. 
They were newly assigned to me, and we did not know each other well.  During the lesson, one of them shared with me a personal experience she had just had: she and her husband had just realized that she was pregnant!  They were devastated.  How could this happen?  The timing was SO bad!  They were trying to get through school, etc., etc.  And then, they found out that it was a false alarm.  They were SO relieved.
In short, it was The.Completely.Wrong.Message to share with me on that particular day.  Strangely enough, however, instead of feeling further crushed, I felt love.  I felt that these ladies went out of their way to come and visit me, and although the words were all wrong, I had a definite sense that I was being watched over, and that if they had had ANY idea what I had been feeling, not ten minutes before they arrived, they would have shared something very different with me.  But it didn't matter.  God made it all good.  I don't understand how He can make that happen, but I know He can, because I know He did.
This actually gives me hope and courage.  You see, there are a lot of trials that I have never experienced in this life (not complaining or asking for more, mind you) and I often feel that I have no idea what to say to friends, loved ones, or acquaintances who may be facing these trials.  But, maybe if I just open my mouth, and am sincere, God will make my WIBS (well-intentioned-but-stupid) remarks into something good-- in spite of my weaknesses and faults.  At least, I hope He will.

9 comments:

Amy said...

Been there, still there, and plenty of WIBS. Your post just reminded me of how amazing I still think you are! Glad I know you!

Anonymous said...

Bless you....love you.....Cindy

Patty said...

Reading this makes me want to give you a big hug.
It's amazing how Heavenly Father can use WIBS or any other "wrong" thing and turn it into something good. This reminds me of how important visiting teaching can be, too. We never know how much we might touch someone's life, but if we just go and do, the Lord creates something good out of it.

Jennifer Andersen said...

I am the queen of WIBS comments. In fact, I have trouble coming up with good comments. I'm glad to hear that maybe someone can find something good in them. :)

Jennifer Andersen said...

Oh yeah, you were a great VT to me too!

heather said...

You are so AMAZING!! Your insight, observations, and wisdom is inspiring to me. I sure do miss you and your sweet family...My Colin sure misses your Ben too..somehow his brother Ben just isn't the same :)

Eyelashes by Brandy said...

oh. my heart aches to read this. You are such an amazing mother. AMAZING. and Friend. You know, I've never, nor can I imagine a WIB coming from you... Love the acronymn, btw. In fact, you always say the right things. And you always have the strength and ability to see the good in other peoples WIBS. Why haven't you been translated yet? Oh, wait, so you can keep me in line! (and our love birds.)

Anonymous said...

I know I have done my share of WIBS, but thankfully I am mostly ignorant of them. One that happened to me was exactly one month after Jonathan died. I was having a really tough day so my boss let me go to town to shop for supplies and eat lunch. I saw someone who I thought was a pretty good friend, our oldest sons were the same age and had been really good friends. She saw me crying and asked me when I was going to get "over it". I was stunned. Did not know what to say, so I just said good by and walked away. It made me think a lot, and I knew I would never get "over it". So, the best thing would be for me to keep my feelings to myself, overt grief makes people nervous, and they do not know what to say or do. It was an aha moment for me, a learning experience I never would have had if the Lord was not looking out for me also. I love you. MOM M.

Lindy-Lou said...

I love you so much.