A Practical Mother's Prayer

I'm having a rough day. My heart feels heavy, and I want to cry. Probably hormonal, but still very real feelings.
Yesterday, Ben was telling me about his music teacher who got married over the summer. He had her last year too, so he knew her by her maiden name first. That got him to thinking, and he asked me, "Was it hard for you to go from being a [maiden name] to a [married name]?"

I replied that I had always been very happy to be a [maiden name], but that I was very happy to become a [married name]. I explained that the switch was actually really easy for me -- easier than I had expected. I then reiterated, "I was very happy to become a [married name]."

And he said, "Ya, ... until you had children."

So, obviously, I'm doing a great job as a parent. My kids think I'm not happy to have them. It's no wonder. I feel like all day, everyday, I'm telling them not to do this, or to do that; I'm breaking up fights; I'm enforcing rules; I'm trying to get them to tone down their wild play before someone gets hurt; I'm sending to time-out; I'm trying to get them to pick up their stuff; etc. Most of the time, I feel like I'm being ignored. Now that I've written out how I spend my time all day, I figure it's no wonder they ignore me! I'm sure I'd do the same thing if someone I was around all day was doing/saying all of that.

So, on top of all of that, when I feel that I'm being ignored, my voice does this strange thing where it gets REALLY LOUD. I don't like that. And I'm not proud of it.

So I present you with what I will call

A Practical Mother's Prayer:

Please help me to not yell more than is absolutely necessary.

Please help me to remember how to laugh.

Please help me to not screw my children up too much.

Please help my children to not be opposed to therapy when they are older, and please help them to be able to afford it.

I guess today I am just painfully aware of all of my shortcomings, and feeling like I'll probably never be the mother/wife/homemaker/friend/visiting teacher/daughter/sister/in-law/etc. that I would like to be. And, sometimes, I just feel too tired to do any better.

Today ...

*Today I woke Ben up and got him into the shower early; fed him oatmeal; and got him to the bus stop by 7:20! Then, I started to get suspicious that there were no other kids in sight. I went home and searched on the internet for his bus stop and pick up time. I had tried without success before, but this time I found it. Sure enough, we were at a correct bus stop. It's just that the pick up time is 8:23, not 7:23! They say you lose a lot of what you learned during the school year over summer vacation -- I guess that doesn't just apply to the kids!!

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*Today Ben rode the bus to his first day of Second Grade.

*Today he had his hair a little spikey, a black shirt with a bright Star Wars picture all over it, jean shorts, dark blue socks, tennis shoes, his Spiderman backpack, and a dirty jacket (which he chose in favor of his new, clean jacket).

*Today we went to a new bus stop. Ben didn't like that. Last year he was the only kid at his bus stop, which was farther than the one we went to today with lots of kids. I think he likes the alone time before starting his day. Maybe we'll go to the old one tomorrow.

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*Today I had the following conversation with Brianna while she was in the bathtub:

Me: You have gymnastics today.

Brianna: Ben's coming?

Me: No. Ben has school.

Brianna: Why we weave Ben at school for gymnastics?

Me: Because he has to go to school and learn.

Brianna: Then he wiw come home to my home and your home?

Me: Yes, he will come home.

Brianna: He just goes to school for a wittow whyow?

Me: Yup. For a little while.

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*Today my heart hurts just a little.

Chicken Broccoli Alfredo

So, I got a little creative with dinner tonight, and it turned out really well. Here's what I did:

Chicken Broccoli Alfredo

Alfredo Sauce
1/4 cup of butter
2-ish tsp garlic
1 can chicken broth
1-ish cup of cream
1/2-ish cup of half -n-half
3/4 container of Kraft shredded parmesean
1/4 - 1/2 cup Kraft Three Cheese blend
1 big spoonful plop of low-fat mayonnaise
Salt to taste (approx. 1 - 2 tsp.)
pepper to taste
Fresh chopped parsley, several Tbsp.

Melt butter over med-low heat, add garlic and saute. Pour in chicken broth then cream and 1/2-n- 1/2. Add salt & pepper and cheeses and continue to heat over medium to medium-low heat until cheese melts into sauce. Plop in mayonnaise and stir in. Add fresh chopped parsley just before pouring over noodles, chicken sausage, and veggies.

*****
Cook fettuccini noodles to al dente in chicken broth.
*****

Saute chopped chicken sausage (Bistro Sensations, smoked mozzarella with artichoke and garlic) in chicken broth. Add more chicken broth, add chopped broccoli and chopped red bell pepper. Cover and steam for a few minutes.

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Combine everything and serve with garlic bread and Ceasar salad.

_________
The reviews are as follows:
James: Olive Garden has nothin' on you.
Great Grandpa: This is really excellent.
Ben: I'd have to say the same thing.
Brianna: More bread, please.

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I'm glad it worked, because I didn't follow a recipe, and I've never made Alfredo sauce from scratch before. I just looked at a bunch of recipes and got an idea of what is usually in Alfredo sauce, and then I winged it. I wrote it down the best that I can remember.

Where to Begin??

Part One:
Toward the end of June, I had my "YEARLY EXAM". We discussed my infertility, and some of the issues my body is currently giving me. My new gynecologist ordered an ultrasound "just to get a look at the structures inside."

Well, as I expected, all my "structures" were perfectly normal. The ultrasound did show, however, that I had gall stones. "O.k.," I thought, "I'll keep that in mind in case I ever have any symptoms."

Over the 4th of July weekend, we were able to see my awesome youngest brother perform with his band, attend my extended family's yearly picnic and fireworks, and take part in the Annual Grandkid's Birthday Bash! It was so fun to be there for everything after missing out on so much for so many years!

Then, since my parents decided to make an offer on a wonderful home, and put theirs up for sale, I decided to stay the week and help them get ready to list their home. We packed things up, rearranged, and "staged" with gusto! It was fun. I'm glad I could be there to help with the process. I think it was a way for me to gain closure with my childhood home.

Then, that Saturday morning, I packed the kids back in the car, and we headed to Vernal, where we met James to attend his family's annual reunion. It was great to be back together with James, and to see the relatives. But I wasn't feeling very well. So, after the picnic, I headed to Grandpa Boyd's to take a nap. When we went to dinner that night, I still didn't feel well, and only ordered a shake (you know, the perfect thing for someone who isn't feeling well.)

We drove home that night, and the next morning, I stayed home from church because I still wasn't feeling too great.

Part Two:
By Monday morning, I felt like maybe I was on the mend, but I did have this annoying, gnawing pain right below my sternum. I sort of remembered my mom asking me a few times, while I was helping her pack, why I was holding my hand to my stomach. "Oh, I just have a little pain," I would respond.

Well, that annoying, gnawing pain continued until on Wednesday night, I asked James if he would examine me. He did the doctor thing, poking, prodding, and tapping my abdomen, until he announced, "Um, I think it's your gall bladder." He suggested I make an appointment with a doctor, especially as we were to be headed back East in just a week. Then, he said I should probably go straight to a general surgeon to be checked.

The next morning, James called to say that he had spoken with a friend who was a general surgeon. This doctor listened to James' story about me, pulled up my ultrasound pictures, and said he wanted to see me at his office at 9 am.

So, the kids and I went to his office. He told me that I had some pretty major gall stones, but that that didn't necessarily mean that we needed to do anything about it. Then he did the doctor thing with the poking and prodding and tapping. He said, "I can feel your gall bladder. I shouldn't be able to feel it. You need surgery. I can do it today or Monday. But with your trip next Wednesday, we better do it today." It was Thursday. He left the room to see what could be scheduled, and came back in to tell me I would be having surgery in three hours.

Part Three:
Gulp! I left and immediately started making phone calls. My good friend here dropped everything to take my kids for the day. James' parents dropped everything to drive six hours to help us out for the weekend. James' scheduler rearranged all of his afternoon patients so he could be with me. James' partner came over to the surgery center to help James to give me a blessing.

Everything was happening so fast, but it was apparent that there were angels seen and unseen who were watching over me.

As I lay in the hospital bed, with the gown open in the back, the thought occurred to me, and I asked James, "So, uh, if I'm wearing the gown with the opening in the back, but they're going to be cutting into me on the front, ...?" James' response? "Don't worry honey, you'll be totally knocked out." .... Comforting.

And then, I knew I would be wheeled into surgery any moment, and I REALLY started to feel panicky. I mean REALLY panicky. I asked James to just talk to me. I have no idea what he said, but the sound of his voice was comforting. I prayed. And I wondered, "Do I really NEED surgery? I mean it's just an annoying pain; I've been putting up with it for a while, I could continue."

About this time, they started wheeling me away, and whatever it was that they had put into my IV was making me feel v e r y s l e e p y. I don't remember anything else until several hours later when I woke up.

As I lay there, I remember thinking, "the pain is the same, but I don't feel so sick." The fact that the pain felt the same to me with FOUR INCISIONS is probably indicative that I maybe should have had things checked out sooner. But, it was only the same when I was laying still. When I moved, the pain was really bad. I couldn't roll over or sit up on my own.

Finally, with James' help, I sat up, and got dressed (I'll leave out the part about me vomiting and about how bad that hurt. I mean, you really don't want to know about that, right?).
James drove me home, and James, his parents, and my kids helped to take care of me for the next several days. On Sunday, James' parents headed home, and my mom came to help out.
I was making progress everyday, but still hurt, and had low reserves. I was/am so grateful that I had so much help, and that my kids and home were well cared for and loved.

Part Four:
When I went to my follow-up appointment on Tuesday, the doctor told me, "When I saw your gall bladder, I couldn't believe you had walked into my office that morning. It was so sick and swollen and angry that I thought it might start throwing punches when I pulled it out!" He explained to me that there was no way I would have made it until Monday to have had surgery.

Apparently my large gall stones had totally blocked my bile duct, and I had developed hydrops. Which means that instead of being a storage unit for bile, my gall bladder had reabsorbed all of the bile, and had filled with a thick watery substance. He said that my gall bladder had probably not been functioning for months.

He also said that I was fine to travel the next day. James agreed. I had my doubts. But my mom helped me pack (I'm pretty sure she had her doubts too), and early Wednesday morning -- post-op day 6 -- we headed out to Virginia, D.C. and PA.

Part Five:
The kids and I toured Jamestown, ate at expensive (and not that great) pancake houses, and bought souvenirs, while James attended a sinus surgery course. Then, on Saturday, we all headed to D.C. where we visited the Lincoln Memorial, the Washington Monument, and the Smithsonian (specifically the Natural History and Air and Space museums).

On Sunday evening, James flew back home to go back to work (like we need to pay off all those student loans, or something.) And, on Monday, I had the awesome opportunity to visit one of my favorite mission companions who lives near Baltimore. We had a great visit, and I didn't want it to end. It helps, though, when you're looking forward to the next part of your vacation.

That evening, we drove to PA to visit my sister Tiffany and her wonderful family.
Oh, my, I enjoyed my time with them so much! They are fun and VERY funny, and wise. They were o.k. with my slow pace as we ate delicious food, visited, and made wonderful memories.

Then, we came home -- back to real life, inescapable responsibilities, and the impending school year. So, that's what I did on my Summer Vacation! And, other than the unexpected surgery, it was really great. Even with the surgery, I can see so many blessing surrounding it. The fact that I was able to get in and get it done so quickly; the recent ultrasound showing the gall stones; the people who helped out with no prior notice; the fact that I wasn't SO sick despite being so sick; the timing in relation to our trip (one day less to recover, and I would definitely NOT have been going); the blessing I was able to receive; etc., etc.

So, how did you spend your Summer Vacation?

Do YOU Have a Bathroom Fan?

We once had a neighbor who would turn her radio up, and face it toward our paper-thin walls each morning. Since we had paper-thin walls, we were used to hearing noise from our neighbor, and didn't think much of it. Until one day, when James said to me, "I think she turns up her music each time we shower." Sure enough, we started to see a correlation between our showering, and her music. A few days later, we had house guests. After the fourth shower of the day, the music coming through the walls was VERY loud and angry.

James decided to go next door and see if there was a problem that we could work through. Well, James didn't get a word in edge-wise as our neighbor cursed him up and down, and accused him of turning on our bathroom fan to deliberately irritate her. She said that it sounded like a freight train running through her bedroom each time we turned it on. And she ended the wonderful encounter by slamming the door in his face.

At first I was very angry. How dare she? As if we would turn on our bathroom fan to irritate her?! Granted, our bathroom fan was louder than the average bathroom fan, but I slept approximately three steps from the bathroom, and had no trouble sleeping through the fan noise. Since our condos were mirror images of each other, she probably slept approximately four steps from our bathroom. We decided that she must have trained herself to hear the bathroom fan because she had convinced herself that we were making this terrible noise specifically to disturb her.

Later, as I thought more about the whole situation, I realized that I, too, listened for "bathroom fans". Whether because of experiences I had had, or situations I was in, or because I had trained myself to hear them, there were things that I was taking offense at, when no offense was intended. I realized that in doing this, I was cheating myself out of peace and happiness; I was placing unnecessary barriers between myself and the supposed offender and thereby robbing myself of potential meaningful relationships.

I was reminded of this instance recently, when a friend shared with me an experience she had had. My friend moved to a new home several months ago, and soon after received a three page single-spaced type-written letter from her former next-door neighbor. The letter was filled with venom and hatred. The main complaint this former neighbor expressed was against the "selfishness" that my friend had exhibited by not chopping down a tree in their yard that had shaded this neighbor's pool. They had lived next door to each other for many years. It was obvious from the letter that this woman had obsessed over this situation for years, and had seen in it a "bathroom fan". She was certain that my friend was refusing to cut down her tree, simply to make this woman's whole life miserable. She mentioned in the letter that her friends had stopped coming over, a fact that she attributed to the tree not being chopped down.

It is sad to me that this woman wasted YEARS fuming over a situation that my friend had NO idea was bothering her. But, the absolutely saddest part of this is that this woman missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime. She lived next door to two of the most wonderful, unselfish, giving, kind, Christ-like people on the face of the earth, and instead of allowing herself the blessing of their easy friendship, she withdrew into an offended, angry shadow. Yes, Ms. Former Neighbor, I would venture to guess that it was not so much the shadow of the "offending" tree that kept your friends away, as it was the shadow of your offended anger and hatred.

May we all realize the "bathroom fans" that we are allowing to rob us of happiness, peace, and friendship, and may we "turn them off", so to speak, and move forward, embracing all that life has to offer us.

America's Got Talent!

I once received a blessing in which I was told that I had many talents, but not necessarily the kind you would perform on a stage. I have pondered this over the years, and I have come to realize that I do, indeed, possess some very unique talents.

Take for instance, changing the toilet paper roll. I once thought this was a commonly shared ability, but I now know better. I am--how do I say this without tooting my own horn?--the BEST and perhaps the ONLY person in my household with this ability.

Then, there's also my rare, and I do mean RARE, talent for actually closing the back door!

Add to that my rinsing dishes and loading them into the dishwasher abilities; my toilet scrubbing abilities; my laundry folding and putting away abilities, etc. and it soon becomes apparent, that indeed, I DO have talents. And many of them.

So, what are some of your unique talents? Don't be shy, you won't make me feel bad, afterall, I'm a very talented woman in my own right!

Birthdays!!

I failed to post about Ben's 7th birthday back in April! He has grown SO BIG this year! He has matured physically and emotionally. He is so fun to have around. I am grateful to be his mommy.
We went to Chuck-E-Cheese's to celebrate. Ben had a great time, except for when the staff put the spotlight on him for a little bit. I think he would have preferred to quietly, and inconspicuously celebrate!

One of the great things about Ben is that he makes just as big of a deal about other family member's birthdays as he does about his own. He made this "set up", as he calls it, for Brianna just a few days before her birthday. He made that card for her all by himself. The inside reads: 3 is graet! I wish I culd stay 3. You are princes of the haws! Happy Birthday!

I couldn't get Brianna's birthday pictures in order, so we'll go a little backwards. Here we are at Banana's which is a place with bumper boats, miniature golf, go-carts, big inflatable "bump-n-jump" things, etc. Brianna REALLY wanted to go to "Butt-a-nana's", as she calls it, to do bumper boats. She had a blast! We were blessed to be able to have my brother, James, and his wife Dede and their gorgeous baby, Oliver, join us for Brianna's birthday weekend. Brianna had a lot of fun spraying her Uncle James from her bumper boat!

Brianna received a play kitchen. Oh what fun! I asked her what she was cooking that morning, and she replied matter-of-factly, "Oh, chicken."

Brianna sure loves her cousin Oliver! Of course, how could you not love that cute little guy??!

I am eternally grateful to Brianna's birthmom. Brianna has been a joy to us from day one! She is such a bright, fun, happy little soul! She is incredibly smart, and amazingly coordinated! She does everything with great Enthusiasm! We are so happy that she is our little girl!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful kiddos!

Late Night with Leslie

Last night in bed, James and I had a conversation that went something like this:

Me, while reading my scriptures: Can I share an insight I received recently?

James: Uh-hmmmm.

Me: O.k., well, the phrase, "chastisement of our peace" never really made any sense to me, but I always lumped it in with the rest of the verse that I felt I understood at least at some level; "he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." So, I looked up "chastisement", and an archaic definition is "refinement, purification". Suddenly it became ...

At this point, James interrupts and says: Um, I drifted off there at the end. Something about picking things up off of the ground?

Me: No. ... Not at all.

James: Oh, sorry.

Apparently I am REALLY INTERESTING to talk to late at night. : )

So, for any of you still awake, I'd like to finish my thought.

When I pondered the phrase as "the refinement and purification of our peace was upon him", it became so beautiful to me. He worked at it and sacrificed for us until what He could give to us is PURE peace. So, whatever is standing between us and the peace we seek has already been tended to by He who turned water to wine. We can have pure peace now, through our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Highlights from Our First Swim Lessons of the Season

"I'm NOT getting in!" - Ben

"I DON'T LIKE THIS! I WANT TO GO HOME!" - Brianna

"I DON'T REALLY CARE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO! You're going to do it anyway!" - Me


Perhaps scheduling, and paying in advance for, two two-week long swim lesson sessions was a bit ambitious for this year?

Fun, Fun, Fun, 'til Daddy Takes the T-bird Away!

First loose tooth! (On the bottom, sitting at an angle.) When Ben first noticed his loose tooth, he told everyone! Immediately, Brianna began to tell people that she, too, had a loose tooth . . . in her foot!
Snuggle time.

First black eye. Thanks to a hard bump with a classmate.

At a carnival in town. I thought Brianna would be nervous to ride this little train ride on her own, but she LOVED it. She rode it 3 or 4 times!

Ben's birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheese's.

Future American Idol?? (Singing "I Am a Child of God".)

Teaching Ben to "roll with it". (Also at the carnival.)


Even Simon would be enthralled by her! ("Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star")

When Brianna watched herself in these videos, she said, "So cute!" and "I a good singer!"