Tender Mercies of December 21, 1994

When I turned in my mission papers, I put my availability date as the Wednesday after New Year's Day. When my call came (in late October), I was to report to the MTC the Wednesday before Christmas! Oh, what an internal struggle! My family was everything to me, and I had accepted the fact that I would be leaving them. But at Christmas?! Christmas is the holiday that encompasses all of the goodness of family! I remember going to my room and crying and crying and praying.

Finally, I decided that I couldn't say to the Lord, "I'll serve you, but it has to be on my terms." So, I did my best to "suck it up" and move forward. When December 21, 1994 arrived, I was all packed, set apart (the night before), and dressed as a missionary. Just before leaving our house, I realized that it had never occured to me that I might want a scripture case. When I casually mentioned this, my little brother quietly slipped out of the room. He returned with his own scripture case, which he had just emptied, and handed it to me. That simple act touched my heart deeply.

We put my two suitcases and a carry-on (with the scripture case, which I still have) into the car, loaded up, and headed for the MTC, which was about an hour away. It's hard to articulate what I was feeling at this time. I think my heart was breaking in two, yet I tried to not let it show.

There is a short presentation for the new missionaries and their families, when they first arrive at the MTC, after which, the missionaries leave out one door, and the families leave out another door. As I was walking away from my family, with my heart literally breaking in two, I thought to myself, "This is insane! Why am I leaving my family four days before Christmas??? I'm going back to them. They love me! I KNOW they'll take me home!"

Just before I actually put this new plan into action, I remember offering a quick, silent, urgent, very heartfelt prayer that went something like this, "Heavenly Father, Is this where I'm supposed to be?? In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen." After I said, "Jesus Christ" and before I could say, "Amen" I was filled with a complete, total, and undeniable sense of peace. I couldn't have received a clearer answer. I knew I was supposed to be there.

So, I navigated the luggage-filled hallway, found my luggage, and realized for the first time, that I did not have petite Sister Missionary-friendly luggage. It was bulky, large, heavy, and I think it had the very first set of tiny wheels ever put on any luggage. You know the kind of wheels -- if you can manage to keep the luggage at just the right angle at all times, they will indeed help the luggage to roll along. If however, you are trying to manage two large, bulky suitcases of this kind, along with a carry-on and a backpack, and you're five-foot-nothing, and you are emotionally exhausted, and you don't even know where you are to take all of this stuff, . . . well then, you might be tempted to utter a curse word. O.k., YOU, of course, wouldn't do that, being a newly set-apart missionary and having just had the most spiritual and direct answer to any prayer you had ever uttered. Unfortunately, I am not you. Yup, I cursed. And, not even what I consider to be the milder curse words, nope, I went straight to an intermediate curse word.

As I was trying to get out the big glass doors, with all of my luggage, and the huge lump in my throat, I looked up to see two Elders coming toward me. As a tender mercy of the Lord, (despite my inappropriate language) I recognized one of the Elders as a classmate of mine from High School. I didn't know him well, but I knew him! He and his companion helped me with my luggage, and got me to the correct dorm. I have no idea what events transpired in his life to get him to the MTC when I was there, rather than when he was 19, nor do I know if he even completed his mission. What I do know, is that he was an instrument in the Lord's hands that day in helping a distraught sister missionary to know that the Lord was mindful of her. I don't even remember his name, but I do hope that he will be blessed for his kind act that day.

The peace that I had received in answer to my urgent prayer stayed with me, and saw me through the first several months of my mission. I will forever be grateful to the Lord for hearing and answering prayers, and for the acts of compassion of those around me. (Oh, and for forgiving curse words.)

Snippets, Tidbits, The Passing of an Age, and Kids Stuff

Brianna refers to herself as "Nana" and she calls Ben, "Me". We don't know why she calls him Me, but it's very cute.

Often, when Brianna is looking for something/someone she will call out, "Waaah you?" (meaning: where are you?) So, when she calls for Ben, she says, "Me-e, waaah you?"

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I had a knock on the door earlier this week. It was someone going door to door for Barak O'bama. He asked if I was voting for Barak, and I told him that I was undecided. He left a brochure-type thing for O'bama.
When I shut the door, Ben wanted to know what that was all about. I told him that it was time for us to choose a new President of the United States, but that I wasn't sure who to vote for yet.
He said, "I know who you should vote for."
Me: "Oh ya, who is that?"
Ben: "Daddy!"


Then, after we actually voted, James and I were talking about who we had voted for, and Ben said, "I wish I could vote. I would vote for Daddy! Then he would be President, and he could tell everybody what to do!"
James: "Actually, there would be a lot of people trying to tell me what to do."
Ben: "Ya, but then you could just say, 'YOU, . . . get out of here!!' . . . Mommy, why didn't you vote for daddy?"
Me: "Well, because I REALLY don't want daddy to be President. He would be gone even more than he is now."
Ben: "He would???!"
Me: "A LOT more."
James: "Yup. If there's one person more busy than a resident, it would be the president!"
Ben: "Nevermind. If I could vote, I would vote for my toys. Then no one would have to work, and we could all be free!"

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My sister, the one who got me into blogging, the one who, in trying to get me to start a blog, wrote, and I quote, "Please imagine me with a gun to your head demanding it. I want it that bad. :)" She has retired from blogging.
I think I'm in mourning. Everyday, for the past two years, I've been able to visit her in cyberspace. To find out what's going on in her life, be entertained, be educated. Now, abruptly, that connection is gone. If she weren't my sister, and if I didn't know I'd be able to communicate with her again, I would be angry and feel cheated. But, I know that I will have the opportunity to bask in her genius humor, her charitable personality, and her incredible writings again someday! . . . At least I better!!!

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We had a "blizzard" here this weekend. It was a respectable snow storm which left about a foot of snow on the ground -- more where there were drifts. So, when I found out that Church was cancelled, I said, "We're not in Utah anymore!"

Today actually turned out to be beautiful and sunny! We were able to have Church at home. James invited two of our friends' families over for Church. It was very nice. James had set up the basement for church. He made three rows with our couches and futon. Then he had speakers set up with prelude music playing. He got his laptop set up to accompany our hymns. And he prepared the sacrament. We had two wonderful lessons by our friends -- one for the grown-ups and one for the kids.

Then we all shared a wonderful dinner! It was a great "snow day." I doubt we'll see any more of those -- especially not where we're moving. Oh, there'll be snow, they just won't cancel anything for it.

Well, at least we will have fond memories of the time when we had Church at home. Ben said, "Today was the very best Church EVER!!"

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Thank goodness for antibiotics! Our sweet baby girl has been sick once again. She had quite the swollen lymph nodes on both sides of her neck, just below her ears. She was miserable, and feverish, and hadn't slept well for several nights in a row. But, after two doses of the antibiotic, she slept for fifteen hours straight and woke up feeling much more like her sweet, cheery self!

She is such a little ray of sunshine! Her middle name is so very appropriate: Joy!

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In Nursery, a few weeks ago, Brianna noticed that another little girl's nose was runny. She went over to the table, got a tissue, wiped the girl's nose, and threw the tissue in the garbage! She is 20 months going on 20 years!

Agency and the Atonement RS Lesson

It was my turn to teach Relief Society again. So, here's my lesson:

My daughter, Brianna, loves to do grown-up things (i.e., brush teeth, talk on the phone, empty the dishwasher, etc.) She has a special affinity for doors. She loves to close doors. I think it’s the appeal of being such a tiny person moving such a BIG thing.
One day, Brianna kept going into the dark bathroom, and shutting herself in, then crying and crying and crying, until someone would come to her rescue. As I was rescuing her for the umpteenth time, I realized that little toddlers aren’t the only ones who try something or do something -- thinking it will be fun, or a great adventure, or even funny -- only to realize that they’ve gotten themselves into a situation that’s way over their head, and a bit scary, and that they cannot get out of it without help. We all do it at one time or another.

Could I, as a parent, out of concern for my daughter’s welfare, remove all doors from her life? Would that be practical? Would that even be helpful to her?

Doors serve many purposes. What are some of the purposes that doors can serve?

Brianna’s going to encounter many doors in her life. Some will be heavy, some will be harder to open or re-open. What could I do, as a kind and loving parent, to help her with the doors she will encounter?
Help her learn the consequences of different doors.
Give her the skills/tools she needs to open closed doors (which would include the key).
Come to her aid when she cries for help.

For our lesson’s purposes, the doors that we will encounter in our lives will represent opportunities to exercise our agency.

(2 Nephi 2:27)
Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.

Who has given us “all things . . . which are expedient”? Expedient means: tending to promote some proposed or desired object; fit or suitable for the purpose.

(Moses 1:39)
What is the Lord’s goal/object/purpose? For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.

What expedient things have we been given? Savior, Atonement, Priesthood, Covenants, Church, Temple, Gospel, Scriptures, Prophets, Family, . . . .

What are our choices from this verse (2 Ne. 2:27)?

What is Satan’s goal? that all men might be miserable like unto himself.
Satan wants us to get trapped behind the door, so that we can be captive and miserable.

It seems so very black and white. Why on Earth would any of us choose captivity and death and misery according to the power of the devil?

It is not usually packaged that way, is it?

Let’s turn to Alma, chapter 36 to read about Alma the Younger, who, at this point, has been choosing door number 2. Whatever the packaging looked like for Alma, he was going about trying to destroy the Church of God, and intentionally leading people away from Christ. When we catch up with him, in verse 12, he has been stopped by an angel, and told, “If thou wilt be destroyed of thyself, seek no more to destroy the church of God.” (Alma 36:11)
When Alma hears this, “[he] was struck with such great fear and amazement lest perhaps [he] should be destroyed, that [he] fell to the earth. . . .” (Alma 36:11)

Alma 36:12-15
12 But I was racked with eternal torment, for my soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree and racked with all my sins.
13 Yea, I did remember all my sins and iniquities, for which I was tormented with the pains of hell; yea, I saw that I had rebelled against my God, and that I had not kept his holy commandments.
14 Yea, and I had murdered many of his children, or rather led them away unto destruction; yea, and in fine so great had been my iniquities, that the very thought of coming into the presence of my God did rack my soul with inexpressible horror.
15 Oh, thought I, that I could be banished and become extinct both soul and body, that I might not be brought to stand in the presence of my God, to be judged of my deeds.

Satan has Alma securely captive behind a closed door, and certainly miserable.

Howard W. Hunter, “The Golden Thread of Choice,” Ensign, Nov 1989, 17
"Given the freedom to choose, we may, in fact, make wrong choices, bad choices, hurtful choices. And sometimes we do just that, but that is where the mission and mercy of Jesus Christ comes into full force and glory. He has taken upon himself the burden of all the world’s risk. He has provided a mediating atonement for the wrong choices we make. He is our advocate with the Father and has paid, in advance, for the faults and foolishness we often see in the exercise of our freedom. We must accept his gift, repent of those mistakes, and follow his commandments in order to take full advantage of this redemption. The offer is always there; the way is always open. We can always, even in our darkest hour and most disastrous errors, look to the Son of God and live."

So, how do we accept Christ’s gift?

Alma 36:17
17 And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

As a kind and loving parent, Alma the Elder had given his son the key to the closed door. He gave him a foundation on which his faith in Christ could grow and he provided hope to him through the Atonement of Christ.

Let’s continue our reading in Alma 36, verses 18-21

18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.
19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.
20 And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!
21 Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.
(Alma 36:18 - 21)

The same key that freed Alma is available to each of us: The Atonement of Jesus Christ. It is entirely up to us whether or not to accept that gift, and use that key.

2 Ne. 9:46
Prepare your souls for that glorious day when justice shall be administered unto the righteous, even the day of judgment, that ye may not shrink with awful fear; that ye may not remember your awful guilt in perfectness, and be constrained to exclaim: Holy, holy are thy judgments, O Lord God Almighty—but I know my guilt; I transgressed thy law, and my transgressions are mine; and the devil hath obtained me, that I am a prey to his awful misery. (2 Nephi 9:46)

Howard W. Hunter, “The Golden Thread of Choice,” Ensign, Nov 1989, 17
"To fully understand this gift of agency and its inestimable worth, it is imperative that we understand that God’s chief way of acting is by persuasion and patience and long-suffering, not by coercion and stark confrontation. He acts by gentle solicitation and by sweet enticement. He always acts with unfailing respect for the freedom and independence that we possess. He wants to help us and pleads for the chance to assist us, but he will not do so in violation of our agency. He loves us too much to do that, and doing so would run counter to his divine character."

What does our Heavenly Father, as a kind and loving parent, do for each of us to help us with the doors that we each will face?
How can we apply that as we deal with loved ones?


How is it possible that Alma’s pain and torment were so completely transformed into joy?

D&C 19:16-19
16 For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent;
17 But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I;
18 Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink—
19 Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men.

Boyd K. Packer, “The Brilliant Morning of Forgiveness,” Ensign, Nov 1995, 18
"So many live with accusing guilt when relief is ever at hand. So many are like the immigrant woman who skimped and saved and deprived herself until, by selling all of her possessions, she bought a steerage-class ticket to America.
"She rationed out the meager provisions she was able to bring with her. Even so, they were gone early in the voyage. When others went for their meals, she stayed below deck—determined to suffer through it. Finally, on the last day, she must, she thought, afford one meal to give her strength for the journey yet ahead. When she asked what the meal would cost, she was told that all of the meals had been included in the price of her ticket."

What are some reasons that people might choose to remain locked behind a door, rather than to use the key?

Closing:
Howard W. Hunter, “The Golden Thread of Choice,” Ensign, Nov 1989, 17
"To countermand and ultimately forbid our choices was Satan’s way, not God’s, and the Father of us all simply never will do that. He will, however, stand by us forever to help us see the right path, find the right choice, respond to the true voice, and feel the influence of his undeniable Spirit. His gentle, peaceful, powerful persuasion to do right and find joy will be with us 'so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man upon the face thereof to be saved.'” (Moro. 7:36.)

Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.
(Revelation 3:20)

The key to all doors = faith in Christ and acceptance of his Atoning sacrifice for us individually.

Recent Pictures

This is a meager attempt to show the work that my mom and I did. This picture fails to show the depth of the boxes. They are two deep, and equally high. This is the stuff that we put into storage. The pile of stuff we threw away, and/or donated, I believe would rival this. Whew! That was a LOT of work! 'Couldn't have done it without you, mom!! Thanks!!

This was one of those moments that makes your heart melt, as a parent. Brianna usually likes to run around and play during scriptures and prayers. This night, however, of her own accord, she knelt down, and folded her cute little hands. Ben then wanted to be right. next. to. her. So precious!
Tonight, Ben made a "bed" out of our couch pillows for he and Brianna! They were having SUCH FUN!!
And, here, Brianna is playing a game on Daddy's PSP, while receiving a great deal of coaching from Big Brother!
Last, but not least, Daddy and Brianna having a photo-shoot just before Church! They completely adore each other -- as is proper!!

Ever Notice . . .

• how kids are drawn to the dirtiest, most disgusting things in a public restroom?


• how your car always seems to have a full tank when gas prices drop 20 cents?
  


• how a hug can generate a smile?
  


• how other shoppers at the grocery store avoid eye contact?
  


• how everybody at the airport is talking on their cell phones, and how nobody at the airport is talking to their fellow travelers?
  


• how, at election time, suddenly you're important enough to the candidates to receive a pseudo-personal phone message? Wow.
  


• how genuine laughter is contagious?
  


• how a toy or object can lie on the floor or counter, untouched and seemingly unnoticed for hours or even days, but when you put it away, it suddenly becomes very interesting, and is immediately retrieved?

What are some things that YOU have noticed??

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Neverfail Sugar Cookies
(from The Mormon Cookbook 1963)

Cream together:

1 cup butter

1 cup sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla
2 eggs

Sift together:
3 cups flour
1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

Add to dry ingredients to creamed mixture and mix well. Refrigerate dough for 4 hours or overnight. Divide dough into 2 balls and roll out to a 1/4 inch thickness on a floured surface. Cut out cookies and bake on an ungreased cookie sheet for 8-10 minutes at 350 degrees. Allow cookies to cool then decorate with Butter Cream Icing.

Butter Cream Icing

1/2 cup butter
2 cups powdered sugar
1/8 cup milk
1/2 tsp vanilla extract

Cream together butter, extract, and powdered sugar. Gradually add milk to desired consistency. (Remember: using liquid food coloring will thin the frosting, so leave the base a little thicker than you want it to be.)

This recipe makes about 30 cut out cookies.

I'll Tell You 100 Things About Me, If You Tell Me 100 Things About You

1. I have a hard time embracing the here and now when I'm coming up on a huge transition in life. I tend to think about and plan for the future and the changes it holds, probably more than is necessary.

2. None of the jeans that I currently own cost me more than $7.

3. My mission companion found my first gray hair. I was 21 years old.

4. Because of #3, I really like to highlight my hair.

5. I asked my hairstylist to move out west with me. She didn't agree to it.

6. My mother and I just spent over a week sorting, packing, discarding, and donating everything we could possibly do without until July.

7. #6 was a great feeling. Having less STUFF around makes me feel less stressed.

8. I love my mommy, and miss her!

9. I love and miss my daddy, and am so glad that he let me borrow his sweetheart for 10 days.

10. I love Colbie Caillat's song, "Bubbly".

11. I used to listen to country music almost exclusively.

12. I rarely listen to country music anymore.

13. I still really like country music.

14. When my daughter makes her silly face (eyes crossed while looking up) it makes me laugh right out loud.

15. I love picking Ben up from school, and hearing about his day.

16. When I'm safe inside, I love a good thunder and lightening storm.

17. I look forward to seeing more blue skies after we move.

18. I will miss all of the trees and greenery here.

19. I will miss so many wonderful friends that we've made here.

20. I haven't done very well with my small and simple New Year's resolutions.

21. I only remember one snow day in all of my growing up years. It had snowed about 18 inches, and the power was out. I think if the power hadn't been out, they wouldn't have cancelled school.

22. I find the "snow days" here amusing.

23. I really like The Skinny Cow vanilla and mint Skinny Dippers! Mmmm!

24. I feel really cool when I actually, successfully put in a link on my blog.

25. I have become a BLURKER -- a blog lurker. I have been keeping up on all my friends and family's blogs, but have become lazy with my comments.

26. I, hereby, apologize publicly for #25.

27. I, personally, LOVE comments on my blog.

28. I seriously considered weaning my daughter off of her binkies today.

29. I have a soft spot in my heart for binkies: they look really cute in little mouths; they give comfort to the owners of the little mouths; and they keep the little mouths quiet(er) in Sacrament Meeting.

30. I seriously question the importance of weaning a child from their binkies.?? (Any feedback on this might prove helpful, dear readers.)

31. I have the best recipe in the world for sugar cookies. I received it from my Seventh-Day Adventist friend, whose family found the recipe in a "Mormon" cookbook, and had used it for generations. Funny, huh?

32. James just bought me these. I love them. My back doesn't get so achy now when I walk around.

33. Sometimes, when it's been a long and difficult day, my kids and I have cold cereal for dinner.

34. I don't like James to tell me that he expects to get off "early". I will stop him mid-sentence if he tries. It's just easier to not get my hopes up.

35. I LOOOOOVE it when James gets off "early".

36. When I say "early" (in reference to James getting off), I usually mean when normal people get off.

37. I have brilliant, talented, fun and funny siblings and in-laws.

38. I feel very blessed and humbled to be part of the family that I am a part of. (Both immediate, and extended.)

39. Oh, did I mention, I have brilliant, talented, fun and funny neices and nephews? Well, I do.

40. I love to watch my daughter talk on the phone. She always has so much to say, and she wanders around the house while she talks. It is definitely not a sedentary activity.

41. When I receive a massage, I usually don't tell the therapist that I am a massage therapist.

42. I love to hear my boy when he thinks nobody's listening. He says and/or sings the most interesting things.

43. I try to build up and uplift the people I am around.

44. I love to make people laugh.

45. I have a generous heart. I just haven't figured out how to fit that into my current budget.

46. While growing up, I never flossed my teeth unless I had a popcorn particle or strawberry seed, etc. stuck in my teeth.

47. I floss regularly now.

48. I am now kind of grossed out by #46.

49. I love a good salad. (i.e., spinach, craisins, almonds, good cheese, etc.)

50. I'd take a cookie, brownie, or candy, over pie or cake any day.

51. I'm feeling guilty that my son will miss his last week of kindergarten so that we can go house hunting out west.

52. I'm excited, and a little apprehesive about house hunting.

53. I throw most of my son's school work away. I try to keep anything that is uniquely his, but worksheets or things that he simply copied off of the board get chucked.

54. I guess I'm not a hugely sentimental person when it comes to "things."

55. When my toenails are painted and looking nice, I feel pretty.

56. I like to pick nail polish with fun names (i.e., My Auntie Drinks Chianti).

57. I had to look up Chianti to know what it was.

58. My next door neighbor thinks my name is Laura.

59. I could be a better neighbor.

60. I only found out #58 last summer. I didn't have the heart to tell her, since we had already been neighbors for four years.

61. I occasionally answer to Laura. ;)

62. My current ward has been wonderful. They have loved me and my family, and have helped me to grow in so many ways.

63. I used to think of my self as somewhat of a tomboy.

64. #63 now makes me laugh out loud!

65. I guess I could be a tomboy, so long as there was no dirt, sweat, bugs, pain, etc. involved, and if I was allowed to look really cute all of the time.

66. I don't think of myself as a girly-girl.

67. I am so grateful for the friendships and connections I have made with the women in my life. I have learned so much from them.

68. I have learned that most of us have more commonalities than we have differences.

69. When I arrived in Michigan (for my mission), I found the sight of McDonalds, Taco Bell, KFC, etc. strangely comforting. Somehow, I felt that I couldn't be that far away if they had the same restaurants.

70. When James and I visited Brazil, I remember being struck with the thought that "people are people wherever you go." (I think that's from a song.) It was a strong impression that we truly are brothers and sisters no matter what part of the earth we inhabit.

71. I didn't capture those thoughts very clearly in #70. It was more significant than that. Oh well.

72. I had a mission companion who couldn't stand to be in the same room with me.

73. I was her trainer.

74. I don't think I handled that situation very well.

75. I've learned that communication is sooooo important. On more levels than one.

76. I'm REALLY hungry right now.

77. I find the marquee at our neighboring cemetery and the messages on it entertaining, and occasionally creepy. (i.e., two Christmas' ago it said, "Love your children buy burial plots now", last Christmas, it said, "We sell holiday wreaths. Inquire within." I never could figure out which headstone to knock on.)

78. Currently the cemetary marquee reads "A VIRTUOUS MAN PLANS AHEAD". I so totally want to change it to read, "A VIRTUOUS MAN PLANTS A HEAD".

79. O.k., so my humor can be a little off the wall.

80. I find it much easier to call someone if their phone number is already programmed into my phone -- not just for the convenience, but somehow, mentally, it helps with my phone-o-phobia.

81. I have areas in my house that accumulate STUFF.

82. I hope #78 didn't offend anyone.

83. I am currently listening to the sounds of my children playing.

84. I programmed the TV that's currently in my son's room so that it only plays PBS.

85. If I had to vote today, I would have no clue who the best choice would be -- or rather, who the least bad choice would be.

86. I need some new socks.

87. I hardly watch any TV anymore. We only have the local channels, and it seems that there's never anything worth watching.

88. I hope my home sells.

89. I love my home.

90. My children are pure delight -- except when they're driving me crazy, of course. ;)

91. On my cell phone, the ring tone for James is some sort of Fiesta music. It's fun and lively, and makes me want to dance -- that's why I picked it, it reminds me of James.

92. I love being with people who delight in my children. Somehow, it magnifies the delight.

93. I love to hear James' co-workers compliment him. It's important to me that they recognize what a wonderful person he is.

94. I can watch a good movie over and over and over. James usually has no desire to watch something he has already watched.

95. #94 usuall works out really well for us, since he's never around to watch a movie with anyway. And, when he is, I don't mind watching it again, if I've already seen it.

96. I was teaching pre-school when I met James and we became engaged. I showed the kids a picture of him, and one little girl exclaimed, "Miss Leslie!! You are one LUCKY woman!!" She was only 4 or 5, but I couldn't agree with her more.

97. I thought I would never forget the names of the kids that I taught, but, unfortunately, I have forgotten. :(

98. I need to wrap this up. It has taken waaay too much of my day!

99. I love my life.

100. I am grateful for each of my friends, whether in my family, my ward, my neighborhood or my cyber-neighborhood.

Random Reasons Why I Love Ben

Today, in the car, I was asking Brianna and Ben what sounds different animals make. Then, out of curiosity as to what answer they would give, I asked, "What does a mommy say?" Without missing a beat, Ben answered, "Grrrrr!" I had to laugh. It's true, when I get stressed and frustrated, I growl. It's hereditary. My mother growls and several of my siblings are, likewise, growlers. Unfortunately, he's heard a fair amount of growling lately. Ben is always good for a reality check. I believe I will try to growl less often from here on out.

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Ben recently created his own word by crossing 'puny' with 'teensy'. The result: punsy. Feel free to add this to your vocabulary, and be sure to use (as Ben does) the other forms as appropriate: punsier, punsiest.
I believe that he somehow got this word creating trait from his Uncle David who created the word 'abnauseus' to indicate 'abnoxious' to the point of 'nauseum'.

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Ben will do silly things just to make me laugh. Things like: squishing chocolate all in his teeth and smiling at me.

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Ben can create anything. He is very artistically inclined, and when he wants to draw something, he just sits down and draws it. He doesn't waste time doubting his abilities, he just does it. He is really quite talented. The sword and shield above are just a very small example of his abilities.

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In addition to the sword and shield above, I love the look on Ben's face. It is so very typically Ben. When he is playing, he takes his roles very seriously.

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Ben was eating breakfast when I told him of President Hinckley's passing. He got up from the table, and returned with President Hinckley's picture. He then made the above memorial to President Hinckley. I thought it was so sweet that I left if for the whole day.

Later, we were again in the kitchen together, when President Hinckley's picture caught my eye and I said aloud, "Oh, President Hinckley! You will be missed!" To which Ben added, "Yes. I loved hearing you at General Conference."

How could you not love a kid like that?

My Sweet Little Girl

Brianna has been sick all week. Yesterday, I put her in a chair in front of Sesame Street while I took a shower. This is what I found when I got out of the shower:

I couldn't bear the thought of waking her up to go pick up Ben, so I called my wonderful friend who came to the rescue and picked Ben up from school!

If you look closely, you'll see the snot/slobber mixture dripping from her face. My poor sick baby!

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After a loooong three-ish years of potty-training Ben, I remember vowing in frustration that if Brianna (a baby at the time) wanted to get potty-trained, she would just have to do it herself. I was done. I figured that she would eventually figure it out.

It must have registered in her infant brain that it was up to her. For about two weeks now, she's been saying "pah-ee" and signing potty; then off we go to the potty where she sits ever so proudly. She has had three successful encounters with the potty, which is a pretty low potty-encounter to potty-success ratio, but it gives me hope that maybe she will potty train before she's five.
She already requires reading material while on the pot.

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I just realized that this post covers two areas of parenting that make me feel totally inadequate: when my kids are sick, and potty-training.

When my kids are sick, I feel so helpless. I know how to comfort them, keep fluids in them, and give them any medicine, but when they're still miserable, I feel helpless. I hate it when they're sick! I hate to see them suffer.

And, potty-training?? Obviously I didn't/don't know what I'm doing. I tried everything I could think of, every trick in the book with Ben, and all it did was serve to frustrate us both. It was the worst!

Any advice this go-round? Because, basically, my plan is to take her to the potty every time she says she needs to go (which is OFTEN) and then really praise her when she actually "goes". That's it. No tricks, no bribes, no pleading. Whaddyathink??

A Home In-Fertile Valleys: A Metaphor from My Experiences with Infertility

As newlyweds, my husband and I were excited to move into our first house. We set about immediately to make it our home. With our limited funds, we decorated with hand-me-down furniture, and much-appreciated wedding gifts. We purchased a chair from the Thrift store for three dollars. It became lovingly known as the "three dollar chair", or "the prayer chair" as that is where we often knelt to pray together. Our home was nothing fancy, but it suited our needs nicely.

According to the custom of our land, and in keeping with the commandment from our spiritual leaders "to buy and sell homes" we planned to be in our home for only a year or two. We cherished this time to be together and to improve our home with little projects: a new curtain here and a painted wall there.

However, this time passed quickly, and there began to be inquiries from family and friends as to when we would sell our home. We had not been in a big hurry, however, we also began to feel that it was time to sell our little home. So, we did what most people did, and we bought a "For Sale By Owner" sign and posted in our yard. And then we waited.

And then we waited some more.

Again, people would ask when were we going to sell our home. "We're wondering the same thing," we would answer in an effort to communicate that we were doing our part. Sure, we would have showings from time to time, but they always resulted in silence when it came to offers.

When a year had passed, we thought, "perhaps there is something wrong with our home, and we're just not seeing it." So, we called in a home inspector. He did a thorough job: checking pipes, testing electrical outlets, investigating the structure of our home, etc.. His testing and investigations revealed nothing to be wrong. "You're plumbing and electricity are perfectly sound. Your home has a great structure. I'm sure it will only be a matter of time before you receive your much longed for offer."

With a renewed sense of hope, we spruced up the sign in the front yard, and waited yet again.

When still more months passed, with no offers but a steady stream of showings, I began to get discouraged. I would find my hopes soaring with each showing, and then crashing as time would pass with no sign of an offer.

"What are we doing wrong?" I would lament. Then, to pass the time, and to improve our chances of selling with our next showing, I would clean out a closet, or a cupboard until it shined. When that didn't work, we would work in our yard -- cleaning up and landscaping. When that didn't work, we'd add a fresh coat of paint in the bathroom or a bedroom, etc.

We always had an ample supply of solicited and unsolicited advice: "You should use this product on your lawn -- then your home will sell for sure." "Have you tried laying new carpet?" "If you keep your sink clean and sparkling, your home will sell in a wink." "I knew a person who hung all of their window treatments upside down for a month, and they sold to the first people who walked through their home." Etc., etc., etc.

I would cry when the house across the street would sell in three days; or sob when the home, badly in need of repair, two blocks away received an offer -- EVEN WITHOUT A FOR SALE SIGN! It became difficult to even feel happy for good friends and family when they successfully sold their homes; and I began to completely avoid open houses all together. It was just too painful. It seemed so unfair. Our home was nice, well-cared for, welcoming, etc. Weren't we just trying to keep the commandment of our religious leaders and the custom of our land?

When still another year had passed, and I was sure that all of our family and friends were convinced that we had mice or rats or termites -- for why else would our home not sell?-- we toyed with the idea of hiring a realtor. You may wonder why we would wait so long to consider this option, but in our land, only the REALLY desperate needed to hire a realtor. Most people just did as we had done, put the sign in the yard, and then in a matter of months, their home would be sold. Apparently we were not "most people".

Hiring a realtor is a big, expensive step, and in a way, felt like we would be admitting defeat -- no not just defeat, but a humiliating acknowledgement that "we don't have what it takes." We were not quite ready for that step, and so we worked harder, and prayed harder, and tried to find things to distract us from what had become an obsession.

The distraction tactic worked pretty well for the most part. But still, the unexpected questions about the progress of our home-selling, or the unsolicited advice from a stranger who didn't know our story, would pierce my heart, and sometimes bring unwanted tears and days of wondering "why?? Why can't we sell?" I began to feel that God didn't think we were worthy to sell our home. I began to cry less and less often, hardening my heart to the next inevitable blow.

When yet another year had passed, we decided we could continue as we were, or we could try the realtor route. So we made the appointment, had our first consultation, and agreed on a plan for selling our home. Incredibly, our realtor was able to sell our home to the FIRST people to view it after he was hired!!!! Holy cow!!! Imagine our elation! Finally, our hopes and dreams were being fulfilled!!

We found a new house that we loved, and purchased it. Again, we set about to make it our own. We weren't plagued with worry about when the time would come to sell this house, because, well, we knew the trick for us -- simply hire a realtor, and voila!

So, when a few more years passed, and we felt it was again time to sell our home. We went straight to the realtor's office. Again we consulted, and came up with a plan. "This is great," I thought, "it's so nice to know what works."

But, you guessed it, even with the realtor, month after month would pass with a steady stream of showings, and no offers. My hopes were again dashed! All of the old fears returned. In an effort to cope, I worked endlessly on improving our home.

Finally, my husband announced that we would be hiring a professional to come and "stage" our home. I had heard of this, in fact, we had toyed with the idea in the past, but it seemed like a somewhat extreme step. However, I trusted my husband, and so we hired the professional stager.

She was wonderful. She was easy to work with. Yes, she changed how I had arranged things. She put away things I had kept out. She added things that I would never have thought to add. Some of the changes required me to think differently from the way I had thought in the past. She made our home beautiful and desirable. And, wonder of wonders, it sold in a matter of months! I will forever be grateful to her.

We now live in another beautiful house that we've made our home. We love it. It is very comfortable. Maybe we'll never move; maybe we will. I don't know at this point. Mostly, I feel that I am not in control of this aspect of my life. If we come to the point where we feel we should try to sell our home, then we will try. But whether it sells or not, is out of my hands. So, as long as I do my part to keep the commandment, then I can be at peace. These lessons did not come easily to me, and, should we feel the need to sell again, I'm sure there will be more lessons in store for me. But for now, I'm just going to enjoy this wonderful home of mine.